Tuesday, December 9, 2008

[DEFINITIVE & UNCOMPROMISED] : THE LONG, LONG, LONG NIGHTMARE : THE HISTORY OF MY 36 YEARS AS A "POLITICAL INFANTILIST" -- ON PAPER ! (1972 - 2008)

THE LONG AND BIG PUBLIC

MASQUERADE -- AS AN "AGENT"

(OR "EMPLOYEE") OF

THE SINGAPORE GOVERNMENT --

BUT ONLY ON PAPER !


ADVICE TO THOSE WHO ARE INVOLVED :

NOW IS THE MOMENT FOR YOU ALL

SURVEILLANCE OFFICERS

TO ACT, THINK, DECIDE AND DO --

AS I SAY AND PLEASE ! WHY?


THESE ARE MY REASONS :


(1) I've Had Enough (Of Such Scenario-Thinking and Story-Telling);


(2) It's Time For Me To Be Real, Realistic and Tough !



(3) IT'S TIME FOR THE MILITARY TOP BRASS,


WORKING IN SAFTI IN 1972, TO ADMIT, CONFESS, APOLOGIZE

AND BE CONTRITE NOW -- IF

THEY STILL HAVE ANY SEMBLANCE OF HONOUR, SELF-


RESPECT AND DECENCY !!!


Readers of my entire series of postings in my 3 blogs : especially http://thenon-romanticloverandwriter.blogspot.com/ -- which is the most currently active and constantly updated blog now -- and also the more familiar and bitter articles in : http://afighterandalovertoo.blogspot.com/ , will now be the first to know the TRUTH about why there are so many discrepancies, contradictions, inconsistencies and illogicalities in the many accounts which I've had given to readers of these blogs about myself and my life in the past 36 years or so.

I've had enough ! (as the title of this entry indicates) : announcing my entry into the world of "above-ground" or "on-the-ground" professional writing (and blogging), beginning from many months back (IN THE YEAR 2008), and which has given me so much power as a no-longer-underground thinking writer! It's time, yes, for me to be TOUGH -- and disclose, passionately and with a renewed sense of immediacy and urgency (for I am no longer still young), the reasons for my inexplicable and unjustifiable EMOTIONAL sufferings, HUMILIATION and INTELLECTUAL impoverishment THROUGHOUT MORE THAN 36 years now.

I have recounted then in my blog entries, including the latest ones -- my plight and predicament as a near-candidate for CONSIDERATION and, eventually, PUBLIC HIGHLIGHTING -- BY THE INTERNATIONAL HUMAN RIGHTS ORGANISATIONS -- OF MY BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS (PARTICULARLY THOSE OF MINE AS A MAN) BEING MORONICALLY AND IDIOTICALLY ABUSED BY THE FUCKING SINGAPORE GOVERNMENT! As someone WHO IS CLEARLY AND EVIDENTLY TARGETTED by the local INTELLIGENCE and SECURITY authorities (in a case of human rights abuses), and as one who indomitably and forcefully resists all attempts by the security and intelligence authorities to force one into a position of ZERO (so that one would have no other alternatives but to accept the sole and undivided leadership of the Singapore Government), I will forever insist on finding out the truth behind or underneath our highly compromised and, expectedly, very commercially successful print-media "writers"! Considering the quality, strength, range and standard of my, so far, electronically published writings, as reflected in my numerous blog articles or essays; and keeping in mind the psychological and emotional "long-sufferings" (and also physical loneliness, socially isolation, and love-starved and yet unmarried status and lifestyle -- but certainly not of a man who is totally sexually deprived or frustrated) of a man who has had plenty of long-time and varied experiences patronizing adult female prostitutes, especially those wonderful Chinese girls working in Geylang); and, lastly, viewing his less than "model citizen" status, and also considering the relentless and merciless pressure applied by the "good" and "able" (but certainly NOT caring) surveillance authorities, for far too long now, it is not difficult to understand now why I have sunk or descended into my lowest level of inhuman and pitiful existence -- even as a stubbornly thrifty consumer! That is why I have been seeking -- oh, goodness! gracious! -- public FINANCIAL assistance from the Singapore Government -- in such a humiliating way, at more than 55 years of age, and hence, as a thinking Senior Citizen who, no less than any other "highly qualified" professionals in the same trade, business, art, or activity, and probably encountering the same financial problems as mine, could have been so motivated enough by his own causes, principles, ideas, values, goals and beliefs, to go in search of ladies of the morning, afternoon and night, in order to satisfy his basic sexual needs, as a still-vigorous horny man, with the greatest of ease! So why has he become so poor?


The whole issue of my plight is centred around this question: Why am I -- or, why have I become -- so politically "untouchable", so financially unrewarded, and professionally unsuccessful as a WRITER? WHO are the people responsible for inducing in me such "untouchability", such "incapacity", such lack of intellectual excellence, such lack of assuredness in personal and professional achievements? Why have I become so unsuccessful -- as a writer of serious, quality essays, articles and books?

UNVEILLING THE PUBLIC MASQUERADE -- AND THE COVER-UP ( ADOPTED OR CONSTRUCTED BY THE EX-OFFICERS IN THE OLD MILITARY SECURITY DEPARTMENT (1976) -- AND THEIR SUPPORT OF, AND ASSISTANCE TO, THESE FUCKING SAFTI MILITARY OFFICERS (THE TOP BRASS) WHO MADE THE ERRONEOUS DECISION TO "IMPLANT" ME IN 1972, AFTER I HAD GONE AWOL AND LATER RETURNED TO "KILO" COMPANY (SAFTI), WHERE I WAS UNDERGOING SECTION LEADER TRAINING:


OF PAPER CERTIFICATES, PAPER DOCUMENTS,

AND OTHER PAPER "EVIDENCES" ON


MY SUPPOSED "INCAPABILITY"

TO WORK AS A PROFESSINAL WRITER :


MILITARY SECURITY DEPARTMENT (MINDEF), in 1976, is a partner in supporting and in covering up this crime of "implanting" me (COMMITTED in 1972 BY SAFTI MILITARY AUTHORITIES). I was directed to seek medical attention by my Officer Commanding, KILO COMPANY and was warded at the Medical Centre in SAFTI for clinical observation by military doctors. I have had disclosed my personal reasons for going AWOL in many of my previous blog entries. But I have yet, up until now, yes -- at this particular moment in time [readers, please be patient and calm : just read on, and hopefully if my mother is blessing me now, and while I am trying very hard to remember -- yes, to locate with accuracy and detail and honesty -- the nature of the missing pieces to this huge puzzling aspect of my troubled and disturbed life (resulting from the crucial life-changing "implantation" of my being, as an enlisted but reluctant and ill-adapted soldier who had gone AWOL in the year 1972); and also, its effects on, and implications for, my dull and boring and unhappy life in the last 36 years or so. What, and who, had influenced and even determined -- in mostly negative, destructive and undesired ways -- the course of my life so far -- including all the petty-minded and cruel violations of, and disrespect for, my human rights! Hence, it is not difficult now to understand all the bizarre outcomes, unexpected "loony" behaviour and dismal (and moronic and idiotic) consequences of almost all of my attempts to realizel my cherished goals and ambitions -- as a man, human being, citizen and, still, UNPUBLISHED (though not electronically, in the Internet) writer of PRINTED BOOKS)!

Saturday, December 6, 2008

A SELF-RELIANT & SELF-EDUCATED WRITER AT WORK -- ASKING QUESTIONS & REFLECTING ON LIFE IN THE POSTMODERN AGE -- AS AN UNREPENTANT INDIVIDUALIST

SIX KEY ISSUES FOR CONSIDERATION BY

THE CITIZENS OF THE BRAVE NEW WORLD

OF POSTMODERNISM, GLOBALIZATION,

BIOPOLITICS, AND THE USE OF SURVEILLANCE

TECHNOLOGIES BY CORPORATE AND

GOVERNMENT AGENCIES -- AND THE RESULTANT

AND DISTURBING LOSS OF PRIVACY

INTRODUCTION :


My professional aim as a writer in this postmodern age is to be an honest user of words, phrases and sentences -- with, hopefully, class, skill, style and distinction -- and expressed in an authorial voice of reason and passion, power and inspiration. (I would have wanted to be, also, a moderate and balanced writer -- except that, as a thinker on the world, national and personal issues that concern me, in one way or another, I am unable to maintain and to express what used to be expected from such an ideal or model thinker -- in other words, one of moderation and balance in his thinking! Why this has to be so must be studied and examined by those intelligent, careful and politically aware professionals and citizens among us -- with regard to what has happened in our modern world, through such developments as postmodernism, globalization, biopolitics and the employment of surveillance technologies and techniques by both national governments and large powerful corporations.)

CHAPTER ONE :

WITHOUT FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE FROM N.W.C.D.C. : FACING A TERRIBLE "DEATH"? (A "POLITICAL" CHALLENGE TO MY POWER AS A THINKING AND STUBBORN WRITER!)

You've been secretly provoking me all these past 36 years -- in public and and in private -- leading me to adopt questionable behavioural practices and to commit, repeatedly, destructive and self-destructive acts in my externally induced and prompted irrational responses to such deliberate provocations!

Will I, yes, "die" a terrible "death" -- now that you are provoking me in such non-secretive ways and manners? (In, perhaps, 3 months" time?)



CHAPTER TWO :

MY 36 YEARS OF LIFE AND TIMES AS AN UNDERGROUND SOCIO-POLITICAL WRITER (1972 - 2008)


Besides provoking me in a calculated and calculative manner, ex-MSD officers and now, also SAFTI's former top-ranking officers (in 1976 and 1972), have still NOT been DISCLOSING (OR REVEALING) the SCIENTIFIC nature and basis -- with the provision of vital FACTS and DETAILS -- concerning my "implantation" in 1972 by SAFTI's military authorities [with its resultant and detestable consequence or outcome : i.e., my UNDESIRED and UNWANTED ability, as an "implantee", to receive (or to "hear", in other words) voice communications (or simply, "voices") -- and also, conversely, to transmit my own voice (or voice communications) to those who are "controlling" or "monitoring" me as surveillance officers or agents (using modern surveillance technologies and techniques)]! SUCH AN UNDESIRABLE AND UNDESIRED ABILITY -- TO ME, AT LEAST, PERSONALLY -- HAS THUS RENDERED ME AS SHOWING ONE OF THE MOST PROMINENT CLINICAL OR MEDICAL SYMPTOMS -- i.e., AUDITORY HALLUCINATIONS -- SUFFERED BY THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN STRICKEN BY THIS MODERN-DAY SCIENTIFIC AND TECHNOLOGICAL "MENTAL DISEASE" -- NAMELY, "SCHIZOPHRENIA"!

Yes, a full, genuine and proper account of such a technological and scientific (and "schizophrenic") way of human communication -- and its relation to modern reality -- will enable me, as a "victim" myself of such technological and scientific "schizophrenia", to seek a proper and full compensation from the authorities -- for such an act of "implantation", which was never consented to willingly by me more than 36 years ago -- in 1972!



CHAPTER THREE :

OPEN LETTER OF APPEAL TO MY HOST OF SUPPORTERS, HELPERS, SYMPATHIZERS, FRIENDS, ADMIRERS AND DEFENDERS


Do you care enough about my -- especially FINANCIAL -- plight and predicament?

Do you wish to share your your wealth with me?

Do you wish to bond with me -- as a fellow man, human being, citizen and professional?

This is a good case -- as good as it can get -- to see how caring, dynamic and cohesive our community leaders and representatives really are!

Do you treat me as a partner in the community?

Do you build a community for ALL -- or only for some?

How do you propose to enhance the quality of my life if you can only offer 3 months' supply of Food Vouchers to me -- each month's allotment to worth only S$30.00 (for buying only essential groceries)? Dear Sirs, I need cash -- SIMPLY!



CHAPTER FOUR :

MY NEED FOR (ENOUGH) MONEY AND PENETRATIVE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE (WITH, OBVIOUSLY, WOMEN AND GIRLS -- PHYSICALLY DESIRABLE ONES, THAT IS!)


I need, at least, an amount of $600.oo in my monthly income now -- AS RENT given to me monthly by my loyal tenants -- in order to be able to live meaningfully and productively and also to be able to satisfy my sexual needs as a man, with the help of prostitutes!

Am I being irresponsible and morally contemptible -- and financially unsound? But, dear readers, I only need to have enough money to pay for the sexual services of a Chinese prostitute from Geylang at least once a month! (How more brutally frank and natural -- and normal -- do you want me to be, girls?)

I will always, truly and humbly, remain as an AMOROUS self-trained and self-educated writer and intellectual -- till I am physically incapable of being so!



CHAPTER FIVE :

MY POLITICAL AWAKENING AT AGE 55 (IN THE YEAR 2008)


I'm turning in a new direction now -- politically -- in response to my own current plight and predicament. All through the past 36 years, I've been trying to be MODERATE and BALANCED in my thinking on politics.

Now, I'm changing -- because my own circumstances have been changing! I'm turning more towards the left -- and thus becoming a 21st century libertarian and a liberal -- with a penetrative, imaginative, observant, perspicuous and coherent mind!

It is no small measure of success on my part, as a reluctant and unhappy "implantee", with my highest educational level at pre-university 2, to say humbly and respectfully, in acknowledgment of my sincere gratitude towards the N.W.C.D.C. officers, who had been attending attentively to my urgent request and prompt application for FINANCIAL assistance, "Thank you very much!"

They have the power to solve my FINANCIAL predicament (with all its causes and consequences -- personal and public, private and official, bizarre and normal -- that I, as a discerning thinker, know how to separate those who have been responsible, as my detractors, enemies and agent provocateurs, for my plight and predicament -- yes, from those who, as my helpers, supporters, admirers, friends and defenders, have been reading, eagerly and productively, all my explanations of, and explorations into important current issues and events that are affecting my life -- in my numerous, regularly updated and very active postings in my 3 well-established and influential blogs.

Yes, I'll continue to confirm, daily, that my more than 36-year-old private and public struggles -- including my POLITICAL struggle [as reflected in my more than 45 posted comments in the SDP website -- http://www.yoursdp.org/ ] -- against being reduced to a mere robotic SUBJECT by the governmental authorities (through their proxies, the surveillance agents or officers) -- and in facing all problems of food and cash insufficiency; and further, in confronting all kinds of relentless official mental and emotional pressures applied on me -- have NOT all been in vain!

I will persist in my writer's endeavour; I will insist on my right to write --and to express myself as freely as I please; and I will strive to write as fully, clearly, rationally (but with my self-determined liberty to defend myself against mean, unjustified and nasty -- not to mention pompous --remarks or criticisms by my resorting, skillfully, to sarcastic retorts). Yes, I will attempt to write powerfully, passionately and courageously --without contradicting my own thinking and behaviour!


CHAPTER SIX :

MY FUTURE AND POSITION IN THE INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY OF WRITERS AND BLOGGERS

I'll turn this very moment (on a perfectly ordinary weekday night like this -- 0n 29.04.2009, Wednesday, 9.13 pm) into one that will decide my future as a writer. All I need now is a braver, more assertive, bolder and more emphatic on-line or internet presence -- namely, a LOUD, DISTINCT, CLEAR AND LOGICAL establishment of my undeniable authorial voice -- and a constant striving to ensure that my voice -- a careful and intelligent one -- will be a voice that would be listened to by those who matter!

Yes, it will be a heart-felt, honest, and diligently practised voice; and one that is constantly speaking up on issues that matter!

I won't, for the present moment, be that particularly bothered about having my writings published in PRINTED formats. As long as my essays or articles are NOT COLLECTED and PUBLISHED via THE PRINTED MEDIA or INDUSTRY, I will remain intellectually and professionally unfulfilled and dissatisfied. I will still be an unhappily committed writer of socio-psychological-cultural-political essays!

This is WHAT I REALLY AM, with all my powers and strengths and abilities -- as well as my undeniable blemishes, ugliness, defects, and weaknesses. I WANT TO BE ACCEPTED, RECOGNISED, ACKNOWLEDGED AND REGARDED -- internationally, by intelligent, careful, diligent, and creative members of such a writers', readers' and intellectuals' community -- as a writer who matters!

I want to be eventually applauded and acclaimed for being able to achieve my goals and ambitions as precisely such a writer (yes, a writer who matters!) -- unapologetically!

Friday, December 5, 2008

AN HONEST VOICE IN POSTMODERN SINGAPORE (AT THIS CRUCIAL MOMENT IN HIS "LOONY" TIME AND LIFE AS AN UNHAPPY AND RELUCTANT "IMPLANTEE" SINCE 1972

ON A SICK GOVERNMENT DEPARTMENT

(MILITARY SECURITY DEPARTMENT),

COVERING UP FOR THE GRAVE, SEVERE

AND INEXCUSABLE MISDEEDS

OF SOME COMPLETELY SICK TOP-RANKING

MILITARY OFFICERS,

WORKING IN SINGAPORE ARMED FORCES

TRAINING INSTITUTE (SAFTI)

IN THAT PIVOTAL -- TO THE AUTHOR

OF THIS ESSAY -- YEAR : 1972


CONTENTS:

CHAPTER ONE : TELECOMMUNICATION EQUIPMENT AND DEVICES : AS USED CONSTANTLY BY OFFICERS FROM INTELLIGENCE AND SECURITY GOVERNMENT DEPARTMENTS, IN THEIR CONSTANT USE OF SURVEILLANCE TECHNOLOGIES AND TECHNIQUES, WITH THE AVOWED "DEFENSIBLE" PURPOSE OF CONTROLLING "IMPLANTEES" FOR, PURPORTEDLY OR PRESUMABLY, NATIONAL PURPOSES


CHAPTER TWO : THE USE OF CREATIVE DEFENCES -- SUCH AS THE USE OF RADIO AMPLIFICATION DEVICES -- BY SUFFERING, PRESSURIZED AND VICTIMIZED "IMPLANTEES", IN THEIR ATTEMPTS TO WARD OFF SUCH RELENTLESS PERSONAL ATTACKS OR INVASIONS OR VIOLATIONS OF THEIR HUMAN RIGHTS -- INCLUDING THE RIGHT TO ONE'S OWN PRIVATE MOMENTS -- TO DESTABILIZE AND TO "DESTROY" THE UNWELCOME, INSULTING AND DISRESPECTFUL EFFORTS BY GOVERNMENTAL SURVEILLANCE OFFICERS, WHO WANT TO CONTROL THESE ALMOST HELPLESS AND UNFORTUNATE "IMPLANTEES" -- AGAINST THEIR OWN INDIVIDUAL INTENTIONS, NEEDS, PRINCIPLES, BELIEFS AND AIMS (AS, YES!, ADMITTEDLY -- FOR MANY STILL !) PITIFULLY INNOCENT, UNKNOWING AND UNINFORMED CITIZENS, HUMAN BEINGS, MEN AND WOMEN, AND PROFESSIONALS (OR WORKERS)

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Letter To The Prime Minister of Singpore : On The Predictable Official Response To My Application For Financial Assistance

URGENT ATTENTION NEEDED

FROM THE PRIME MINISTER

OF SINGAPORE

[BRIGADIER-GENERAL (BG) LEE HSIEN LOONG] :


The Prime Minister,
Prime Minister's Office,
Istana,
Orchard Road,
Singapore 238823.
(Attention: Mr Lee Hsien Loong)

c.c. to : Minister for Law; and the President of Singapore

Dear Prime Minister,

Re: Top Secret Project, Headed by Former MSD Officer, Mr Tan Hong Huat (with the rank of Captain in 1976; and now, of Retired Colonel, in 2009)

I'm a prisoner of the expectations of the former Military Security Department (MSD), where I once worked at, for about 10 months (between Dec. 1975 and Oct. 1976).

Do they not realize that I'm just as aware of the practical realities of their "scenario thinking" -- as they themselves are, controlling me, an ex-MSD clerical officer in its Registry -- from the time I left MSD all these past 36 years or so ago?

But I'm not prepared to accept any unfair outcome and consequence of having to conform to the requirements of their -- especially, political "scenario thinking" in practice. I'm not going to be a puppet, a pawn, or a figurehead! I'm also, neither a worshipper nor an idolizer!

Their "scenarios" are often contradictory and paradoxical, don't they realize?

Sir, I'm a realistic man (in spite of my basic idealism) : I, too, am aware of the dilemmas, realities, ambiguities, tensions and uncertainties that lie at the bottom of all our attempts at communicating with one another -- to find a good settlement to our problem --one which resulted from my unwilling implantation in 1972 (an unhappy event whose related details and involved decision-making by those military officers at SAFTI at that time in 1972 and whose decision to implant me have all yet to be EXPLAINED, in full and with clarity, to me in this significant year 2009. What exactly do you mean when you make me (or prompt me to) claim or say that I'm an "implantee"? What is an implantee?

Sir, my whole life from now onwards depends on whether or not I am going to receive detailed information concerning my implantation in 1972 -- which I had never consented to in the first place!


I am not a "both/and" thinker, please! I'm an "either/or" thinker, Sir! I don't accept that "both/and" thinking is the only way to make hard (political) decisions that will lead to the solution of my problem -- which is not merely financial in nature. Sir, you should know!

Please avail me of your insights and wisdom -- honed from years of political leadership. I'll be glad to learn from you.

I apologize for causing you much irritation, hurt, frustration, anger, and immense annoyance with my disparaging and disrespectful remarks and responses to your handling of State affairs and issues -- in my comments posted in my blogs and those in SDP website (namely, and respectively: http://afighterandalovertoo.blogspot.com/ and http://www.yoursdp.org/ ).

But I just don't like pomposity in a person -- especially in a person with an official position with so much unusually (or automatically) -- and speedily -- conferred autocratic POWER over all others -- be they subordinates or the commom people!

And I prefer to confront realities -- not illusions (yes, including "conspiracies", "scenarios" and "crises"), as manufactured and concocted by your hardworking former MSD officers and other related personnel from the Singapore Government! And aren't those just mere propaganda? Oh, the sordidness of opportunist politics -- with all its political maneuvering, harassment, manipulation and manhandling I'm too intelligent and too careful a thinker and observer to let myself be insulted and misled in this infantile manner. On the ground that my own destiny will be taken charge of by "madmen" and "madwomen" who use security and intelligence officers against me (a "barbarian")? It all goes back to the years of LKY, who ran a one-man show -- tooautocratic to allow Cabinet overnment to flourish! Well, LKY is very effective -- especially when it comes to matters of the economy! And he doesn't care about "popularity"!

Please, Sir, don't panic! We have a large mutual database -- your kind, officially, and that of my own version, based on my own intellectual framework and experiences.

Sir, please make use of our mutual knowledge, experiences. and even our imagination to serve as guides to the solution of my (and our) problem -- which requires and demands our collaboration.

We should try to ensure that the possible is not only probable but also achievable!

I WANT (as the lead singer in A ROCK GROUP CALLED "QUEEN" ONCE SANG) TO BE FREE! SIR, ARE YOU LISTENING WITH YOUR HEART, MIND, SOUL AND BODY TO MY HUMBLE AND EVEN DESPERATE PLEA to you for help -- for your intervention in my case, a TOP SECRET PROJECT THAT HAS INVOLVED SO MANY PEOPLE FOR THE LAST 36 YEARS AND INCURRED SO MUCH EXPENSES! (AND PRODUCED SO MUCH PAIN, ANGER, HURT AND SORROW IN SO MANY PEOPLE!)

Let us, Sir, put a FINAL and CONCLUSIVE cover to this open-ended issue, which has been leading me, especially, as a "victimized" and reluctant "government employee" or "agent", for the past 36 years, to a point, my lowest point!, where I could not survive even as a humble but, to put it simply, talented citizen and writer/blogger (a position and point in my life where I have to suffer the humiliation of seeking FINANCIAL assistance from the Singapore Government, who always insists on people being SELF-RELIANT, a quality that I myself subscribe to but which I am unable to practise in reality, for the majority of the past 36 years of my life as an unhappy and reluctant implantee of the OFTEN BARBARIC Singapore Government)!

Sir, please ask the Military Security Department officials and officers (the former ones, namely --with whom I was working between Dec 1975 and Oct 1976) for information and for their coooperation and initiative in our attempt to come to a final understanding/resolution/solution of this thorny problem!

Thank you, Sir!

Yours truly,

DAVID CHUA CHUAN SEAH
(An Orderly And Coherent Mind,

& A Humble One To Boot!)

BLOGS/WEBSITES: http://afighterandalovertoo.blogspot.com/
http://thenon-romanticloverandwriter.blogspot.com
http://trainofmypresence.blogspot.com

http://wholecity.blogspot.com

E-mail: chua.chuanseah4@gmail.com


ADDENDUM ONE

(TO THE EX-MSD OFFICERS) :



  1. EVERYONE ENGAGED IN OUR COLLABORATIVE EFFORT OR VENTURE SHOULD HONESTLY MEAN EXACTLY WHAT HE OR SHE SAYS;
  2. MY OWN PREDICAMENT IS, AFTER ALL, NOT GOING TO LEAD ME INTO A SITUATION WHERE I'D BE SENTENCED TO LIFE-IMPRISONMENT OR DEATH;
  3. SINCE 1972, I'VE FACED THE MERETRICIOUS, THE MERCENARY, AND THE WISED-UP TRICKS AND HANDIWORKS OF PEOPLE WHO ARE OUT TO EXPLOIT MY WEAKNESSES;
  4. I'LL DEFY SERIOUS AND BELIEVABLE THREATS TO MY LIFE IN ORDER TO KEEP MY FREE THINKING AND FREE EXPRESSING ALIVE;
  5. TO ACCUSE ME, MOST AMAZINGLY OF ALL, OF WRITING FOR MONEY, IS TRULY INSULTING! WHAT NEXT?;
  6. WILL YOU, SIR (HEAD OF TOP SECRET EX-MSD PROJECT), NOW RENEGE ON OUR MUTUAL (UNSPOKEN AND UNACKNOWLEDGED) AGREEMENT -- BASED ON OUR AIMS AND INTERESTS (ESPECIALLY ON OUR "CONTRACTUIAL OBLIGATIONS") TO HELP ME BRING OUT -- AT LEAST ONCE -- A PRINTED AND PUBLISHED (NOT ELECTRONICALLY VIA THE INTERNET) BOOK OF COLLECTED ESSAYS OF MINE, WRITTEN AS THEY SHOULD BE, BY A "SPY" (LIKE ME!) -- ACTING IN THE ROLE OF A WRITER?

PLEASE, I HAVE NEVER TRIED TO IMPRESS PEOPLE WITH MY USE OF IRONY. (I AM NOT EVEN SURE WHAT IT MEANS!) I AM, HOWEVER, AWARE THAT I'VE A LITERAL MENTALITY. (AND I'LL LIKE TO REMIND MILITARY SECURITY DEPARTMENT OFFICERS (BOTH CURRENT AND FORMER ONES) THAT I'M A LITERAL-MINDED MAN, HUMAN BEING, CITIZEN AND WRITER;

SO, PLEASE SIRS, DON'T ACCUSE ME OF SUPPORTING OR OF PROMOTING "WESTERN CULTURAL COLONIALISM" OR "WESTERN FORMS OF CONDESCENSION" TOWARDS OUR PEOPLE. NO, I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING OF THAT SORT!

LASTLY, I WANT TO DECLARE THAT, AS A WRITER, I'M JUST TRYING TO EXPRESS MY LEARNING AND EDUCATION -- WHICH, I AM CLAIMING, HAS BENEFITED MUCH FROM THE (SOMETIMES UNFAIRLY, SUPERFICIALLY, AND FLIPPANTLY DISMISSED) WESTERN INTELLECTUAL TRADITION.

Thank You!

From : David Chua Chuan Seah

(Blogger/Writer)

30.11.08 (10.50 am), Sunday

3.5.09 (12.48 pm), Sunday (Date, Time & Day of This Updated Document/Letter)

Thursday, November 20, 2008

THE FUTURE IS OURS : AS DISSENTING VOICES OF CONSCIENCE

Fighting Words of Wisdom

and Experience:

Internet Fighters At Work!



  1. We can do what other (unaware and unknowing) activists and politicians can't do here -- specifically, by precisely NOT becoming political figureheads! We just want real, genuine, effective and substantial results -- not mere cosmetic, concocted, manufactured and "in-house" changes!
  2. We stand back when we should have intervened, and we intervene when we should NOT! Why the "ineptitude"? (Or "dishonesty"?)
  3. We have absolutely NO evidence of our so-called "continual", "continuing", "continuous", "continued", "contagious", "confining" and "comfortable" utilization (or, yes!, USAGE) of the VITAL Internet Services which are provided by STARHUB, the Internet Service Provider!
  4. Logically, from one of our leading dissident blogger's (David Chua Chuan Seah's) viewpoint, what has STARHUB, the I.S.P., got to do with his present plight and predicament as a FINANCIALLY destitute writer/blogger?
  5. Perhaps this is the truth: Had he been able -- intelligently, ardently, ingeniously, bravely, honestly, eloquently, confidently, learnedly, sensitively, critically and thoughtfully -- to use the I.S.P.'s useful and "vitalistic" services all these years, he might have become, probably, "terminally ill"! [Or, immensely happy, satisfied and very successful -- especially sexually -- as a man, human being, citizen and writer (of serious, quality essays and books)!]
  6. On our way to our destination, we'll make many stop-overs and detours; yet, we'll still arrive there! That's how confident and resourceful we are!
  7. We have many supporters and defenders, friends ands admirers, interested helpers and aggrieved, victimised citizens!
  8. We, the dissident bloggers, oppositionist writers and individualists do NOT fear our detractors and enemies, yes! -- including the dishonest, inept and corrupted spies!
  9. The line between success and failure for us is, at the very highest level, so thin that any mistake on our part -- or any miscalculation (as if we are based entirely on "calculation"!) on our part -- would be a total disaster for all our hard work, and a total defeat for all our hopes!
  10. We'll always attempt to DISRUPT -- yes!, ABRUPTLY -- their (method of) operation and control, which is to influence our mind in every way possible (and in their favour!) -- by employing all kinds of effective gadgets, equioment, devices and inventions -- in order to suddenly shock, stun, surprise and alarm them!
  11. Can the one and only great "loony" but high-spirited individualist Mr David Chua Chuan Seah take on -- with resourcefulness, practised confidence and diligence -- the immense challenge of successfully countering the ill-effects of attempts made by compromised members of the Surveillance Team (from both "in-house" loyalists and invited contributors) to impose threats on their victims (the suspected subversives of the Singapore Establishment)?
  12. Yes, he can! He already did! So far! He promises our sympathizers, supporters, friends, admirers, interested readers and helpers, defenders, and aggrieved and victimized citizens: He will not disappoint you! After all, he neither claims to be, nor poses as the last civilised man in this postmodern Singapore! (Oh, Singapore!)

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Why The Silence (From Those Surveillance Officers)? Stunned, Once Again!, By My Honesty, Truthfulness, Self-Awareness and Power -- and "Stubborness"

The Predictable Official Response

To My Application

For Financial Assistance

To :

The Acting Deputy General Manager,
North West Community Development Council,
Singapore.

Dear Ms Crystal Teng,

Do You Really -- Truly and Sincerely -- CARE, SHARE AND BOND (With Those You Serve?)

PLEASE REFER TO YOUR REPLY, on 14.11.08 (Case Ref: 010657/03), to my humble application for FINANCIAL assistance from the Singapore Government -- through your highly esteemed social welfare agency.

Your response to my need for FINANCIAL assistance is to offer me, yes!, Food Vouchers for 3 months (worth S$30.00 per month)! How totally pathetic! What is your understanding of my situation? What compassion is shown by the authority? Let me tell you -- clearly, loudly, distinctly and logically : I WILL collect my entitlement of Food Vouchers from your NWCDC -- and still remain fully aggrieved and angered by your refusal to help me FINANCIALLY -- but instead, to give me such a miserable token "gift" from your immense wealth and high salary?


Are these Singapore Government officers trying to placate me with such token small gestures of "assistance" and "support" -- knowing all-too-well about my FEW needs and their easily-satisfied nature? Are they trying, for the satisfaction of witnessing my humiliating concession to the Singapore Government, to exchange such placation for, to wit, my willingness to concede my rights to live my own life in my own way?


Such a lame, odious and ultimately infantile -- not to mention insulting and deceiving -- response from the authorities will only serve to harm the PAP's next re-election campaign, when it will, once again, seek to win even more electoral votes from even more constituents in the next General Elections. It will be the most crucial and important GE among them all -- in our short national history! (Don't worry, the preparations of the Opposition Parties this time -- right from the very beginning, involving the selection and nomination of contesting candidates -- will NOT be like the kind of afore-said response which the PAP Government and its surveillance officers have given me so far -- in responding, precisely, to my attempt to seek FINANCIAL help to extend my ability to live a dignified and self-respecting and hopefully long life.


I'm a very lonely man and citizen (despite having numerous contacts, every day, with people from all walks of life -- regardless of age, sex, race, language, education, religion, and nationality -- in the course of my work as a writer).

And I'm being constantly harassed and derided by the Singapore Government's surveillance officers, who have driven me to a "loony" state of FINANCIAL destitution -- and blaming me for such a personal crisis by claiming that my regular patronization of prostitutes (yes, but how many a month, in the first place?) is the cause of my FINANCIAL problem! But do I have to apologize for my attempts, as a still healthy 55-year-old man -- in spite of suffering from diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol (whose regular treatment by polyclinic doctors HAVE SO FAR absorbed a substantial amount of my limited FINANCIAL resources) -- to satisfy my sexual needs?


Honourable men and women, I am still a single, a man -- a physically strong bachelor -- at the age of 55 -- a Senior Citizen no less, and I have the right to patronize the services of prostitutes -- even with my limited FINANCIAL resources!

I've already withdrawn, upon reaching the age of 55 this July, a sum of more than S$3,000.00 from the Special Account of my CPF -- there is no more money left in my Ordinary Account . I've already used part of it to pay for my outstanding and current HDB loan instalment -- and about most of the remaining money to buy a Personal Computer (ACER Brand) on 5.8.08 -- to help me in my work as a writer. This PC, however, had already been sold recently, in order for me to pay my outstanding bills.


As I've sold my PC (at a really great loss!), I'd to terminate my internet service account, run by STARHUB, which then billed me an additional sum of $400.oo (for early termination of service -- agreed upon in our contract) -- to bring my current debt to STARHUB to more than $660.00! (And that for just a few weeks of usage of my PC!)


I've also sold the 2 Nokia handphones that I'd bought this year , on two separate occasions (0n 21.6.08 and on 30.9.08), to facilitate my communication with publishers. Both handphones had since been sold, again on two separate occasions (on 12.9.08 and on 18.11.08), unwillingly and desperately, to help me buy essential food items for my daily consumption.

My DEPENDANTS PROTECTION SCHEME policy will soon be terminated if I can't renew it by paying, in full, the annual premium of $260.00 to the insurer, NTUC Income.


I had to sell off my entire vast collection of my treasured CDs and DVDs -- in order to pay for my monthly bills.

I've even contemplated selling my only portable radio receiver left in my sparsely-furnished flat, which would truly deny me the opportunity to listen to my favourite BBC news and current affairs programmes (the only source of information about the world for me now, since I've long stopped buying the local dailies for both financial and political reasons).

As a Senior Citizen, I'm, however, unable even to enjoy the special movie-going concession of paying only $4.00 flor a ticket to watch a movie at the local cinema.

On another related but seemingly insignificant matter: Why can't I, a Senior Citizen at the official age of 55 (plus a few months) who, to at least the kind operators of local cinemas, can enjoy a cinema show for S$4.00, be also allowed to qualify for the similar use of concessionary tickets when travelling on our buses and MRT trains? Why can't the bus transport operators and the MRT auhorities follow the same age ruling or requirement for consideration as a Senior Citizen -- at age 55 instead 0f 60! -- to be allowed, yes, as an officially-declared Senior Citizen, to travel on our buses and MRT trains?


I've also considered selling off my 3-room HDB flat in an eventuality -- so as to solve all my FINANCIAL problems, caused primarily by my inability to service, fully and regularly, my monthly instalment payments (whose settlement every month is needed in order for me to repay, progressively, the entire loan given to me by the HDB, upon my purchase of my flat in 1997).

Publishers have also been rejecting my writings for publication as books, for fear of offending the authorities with their support, business-wise or commercially speaking, for my sensitive and provocative socio-political writings. How am I supposed to earn a living as a writer then?

My siblings have also stopped helping me FINANCIALLY. Without their monthly contributions to my monthly "income", I have only my loyal tenants to rely on, FINANCIALLY, for sustaining my livelihood. (My tenants pay me S$400.00 every month for renting my bedroom. And that is the only source of my monthly income now.)

I've already reached the lowest point of my FINANCIAL situation: I'm so destitute that I'm forced to sell off all my valuable personal items or properties in order to have enough money to buy food daily. (Don't even mention my need to pay all those troubling and unsettling household bills.) And I've been wearing mostly the same old clothes for more than 10 years now. I'm also unable to contribute to charitable and religious organizations -- although I'd like to.


I was so downright poor at one time -- reaching a point in my life when I' had to seriously persuade myself -- rationally (in others words, against my personal convictions) -- that I'd need to to sell, illegally, pirated VCDs and CDs, in order to have any money to buy food for myself at all! (Was it how I should have lived, worked and played -- all through the last 36 years -- as a "model" or "good" citizen?)

There are no more grey areas left in my life now. All personal items which are deemed worth selling at all, and which I consider dispensable, have mostly been sold. That is how desperate -- and how economical -- I have become, yes, you fucking bastards from MSD, ISD, SPF and the power-hungry and affluent members of the PAP leadership! (There are certain aspects in my being and in my life, let me remind them, that I will never try to convert into cash! Do you hear me?)

As a poor and helpless writer, my most important problem is still, to re-emphasize once more, to settle my outstanding and current HDB bills (amounting to S$1,577.25). With this in mind, on 13.11.08 (Thur.), I approached and met, in person, Mr Tan Wee Liat (Tel: 63985934), Estate Officer in HDB Yishun Branch Office, and spoke to him for about half-an-hour (between 2.30 pm and 3.05 pm) about my inability to pay my outstanding and current HDB bills. I asked him to help prevent the possibility of my being heavily indebted, in the long term, to the HDB. Even now, my seemingly insignificant debt to the HDB has been troubling and de-stabilizing me for a long time now -- affecting negatively my work and my ability as a writer. (Such tight FINANCIAL situation had even forced me to pawn my precious gold pendant and gold chain -- given to me for remembrance by my late mother -- so as to allow me to pay, partially, my household bills and also for the purchase of food items and other groceries.)


But what can Mr Tan Wee Liat do?

What will he, with due respect to his authoritative and responsible position, do?

Surely, the highest authority in the land can show him some initiative and cooperativeness -- as a problem-solver -- by letting Mr TAN WEE LIAT do what he can possibly do (from a sense of my truly difficult plight)? Perhaps, and I am speaking as an uninformed citizen, Mr Tan can grant me a TEMPORARY REPRIEVE FROM PAYMENT OF MY OUTSTANDING AND CURRENT HDB BILLS (lasting for an initial period of 6 months -- and involving an amount of money every month which, had I been compelled to use it for the payment of my HDB bills, would have prevented me from better utilizing it for the payment of all my essential household expenses and basic needs (such as food) -- in order to help me achieve a long-enough period of mental repose and, hence, of intellectual fertility and vibrancy, so as to ensure greater success for me as a serious, quality writer (a writer whose ability to satisfy his basic needs is presently undermined by the surveillance authorities)?

After all, to succeed as a writer, whose work is time-consuming and extremely demanding -- of the utmost effort, application, concentration and mental energy, one needs to be more than hardworking and merely capable of writing grammatically and interestingly.


I used to maintain 2 different bank accounts and had several Fixed Deposits and also yearly subscriptions to savings and insurance schemes in my "better-off" adult working years, when for financial reasons, I had to, as an unsuccessful writer not earning any money at all, I was forced, reluctantly and unhappily, to work in other unrelated non-writing (and quite boring, unchallenging and even menial) occupations and jobs in order to survive -- in jobs such as factory production work; clerical work; sales work; cleaning work; contract renovation work; shop assistance work; security (guard) work; delivery work; and waiter's work.

But now, I've just about slightly more than one Singapore dollar left in my only (POSB) bank account. I also have many outstanding household bills to settle with the various authorities. With almost no cash -- yes, no MONEY -- in my possession, how am I going to even try budgeting my spending activities and plans? I don't have the economic freedom to pursue my own money-making opportunities -- in my own way as a "stubborn" and "loony" writer! (Stopping me from eating chickens regularly is not the solution to my problems, dear!)


Surely, our "good" and "able" Singapore Government is not totally heartless? Surely, it can't ignore my calls and pleas for FINANCIAL assistance -- as mounted by my personal presence at the NWCDC (located at Woodlands Civic Centre) on 2 occasions now [the first on 12.7.08, which turned into an official rejection of my application, as confirmed to me by Ms Chin Tong Mui, Deputy General Manager, in a letter on 7.8.08 (Case Ref: 10657/03); and the second (and latest occasion) on 28.10.08, when I duly presented many of my important personal and "public" documents, including printed copies of my relevant blog posts (http://afighterandalovertoo.blogspot.com/), to my interviewing officer -- a Malay woman by the name of Mazlaina -- for her own report and presentation to the higher authorities, so that they can refer to them and, of course, take urgent action or apply effective solution (after giving them their utmost attention)!


Unlike the first occasion, when I was interviewed by a seemingly concerned (and admittedly utterly charming) "socially working" executive officer -- with seemingly impeccable academic credentials and a listening ear, I was very emotionally charged and intellectually focused this time -- on my second appearance inside the NWCDC Interview Room -- where I pleaded for FINANCIAL assistance from the government by giving the equally attentive and genuinely concerned Senior Manager (a woman called Mazlaina), a comprehensive and honest account of my troubling plight and unsettling predicament as an oppositionist writer, working unsuccessfully to write and to publish my writings as books of collected essays. Mazlaina, after listening to my call for help, promised to refer my case to the senior authorities for further consideration and approval. I had, presumably then, managed to impress upon Mazlaina the SEVERITY and GRAVITY of my unenviable and de-stabilizing predicament.


I expect the highest authorities at the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) to show more initiative and co-operativeness -- and not merely a "careful" assessment of my situation (by just following the ministry's policy guidelines)! After all, there is indeed A CHANGE IN MY CIRCUMSTANCES AT THE PRESENT MOMENT -- VASTLY DIFFERENT FROM THOSE IN EXISTENCE AT THE TIME OF MY FIRST APPLICATION FOR FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE!


Please do undertake genuine actions -- and thereby show serious, high-level and high-standard CONCERN for my plight and predicament as an unsuccessful writer who is unable to earn a living -- yes, to earn any income at all! -- in his role and capacity as a professionally serious and quality writer. It is a situation caused, in no small or insignificant manner, by the efforts and activities of the very same government surveillance officers who are spying and snooping on me, with their aim of controlling me and turning me into an obedient, uncritical, unthinking, apathetic and even cynical SUBJECT -- without any soul, heart, mind and (unviolated) body of his own -- without, yes, any INDIVIDUALITY of MY own!

To conclude, I demand a genuine -- not a cosmetic and temporary -- solution to my FINANCIAL predicament at the highest level -- from the highest authorities in the country -- and certainly not from some sorry pathetic, miserable and low-level "problem-solvers" like you, sorry Ms Teng -- a mere government functionary!

I want the Singapore Government to show more genuine understanding of the GRAVITY andf SEVERITY of my FINANCIAL situation -- as a poor, helpless and unfortunate writer under immense, constant and relentless pressure from the very same heartless government -- yes, from which I am trying, perhaps foolishly?, to seek FINANCIAL assistance (in order to alleviate, or better still, to resolve my FINANCIAL problems once and for all)!

Don't you realize the sheer IRONY -- is THAT the correct word? (you see? I have been suffering, and am still suffering, from 36 years of continuing interruptions, disruptions and corruptions of my language-using ability!) -- of IT all? I rest my case!

Addendum:

But I'm a man of rectitude. I'm a fearless individualist who believes I can make a difference to the world. To those who are on the right (and bright) side of history, I want them to realize this:

Historical truth will out!

And:

Principles are potent!

Through my incessant efforts as an uncompromising oppositionist (and now so-called "loony") writer, I'll light up the world; I'll lighten the load of those oppressed and victimized by the authorites; I'll light up their lives; I'll enlighten them; I'll be the light of their life; and, when lightning strikes (as it always will -- often unexpectedly too), I'll tell them not to take it lightly!


Let me now tell you more about my sacrifices as an oppositionist writer and individualist living and working in a postmodernist globalized and surveillance society like ours.

Firstly, I've not been to any foreign countries for the past 10 years -- until recently, that is (on a short trip to Malaysia) -- with the aim of expanding my intellectual horizons as a curious writer.

I had to terminate my Internet Account with the National Library Board just recently (because I was unable to pay for my usage of its services) -- although, as an industrious writer, I need to use the public library's PC daily in the course of my work.



VITAL NOTES (NUMBER ONE):

INDICATING PRECISELY


WHAT I MEAN -- AT AGE 55




  1. YOUR ERRORS OR MISTAKES INDICATE THAT THEY ARE NOT ACCIDENTALLY COMMITTED BUT THE RESULT OF A CALCULATED DECISION-MAKING BY THE PARTY LEADERS;
  2. THE CONSTANT CALCULATIVENESS OF THEIR ACTIONS INDICATE THAT THEY ARE BASED ON LONG-TERM PLANNING AND GOALS -- AND NOT ON SHORT-TERM AIMS AND GAINS;
  3. MY INDEPENDENT MEMORY INDICATES TO ME THAT THOSE "ABLE" AND "GOOD" LEADERS ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED;
  4. MY FUNCTION AS A COMMANDER AND MASTER (OF MY OWN RESOURCES) IS TO OPPOSE MY ENEMIES -- INDICATING THAT I AM AWARE THAT THEY ARE JUST OUT TO EXERT THEIR AUTHORITY AND POWER AND TO IMPOSE THEIR CONTROL OVER ME;
  5. MY PRESENT RESIDENCE (AND ITS OFFICIAL ADDRESS) IS NOW MY BASE FOR BOTH MY LONG-TERM PLANNING AND MY CURRENT DAY-TO-DAY OPERATIONS -- AS A "RECLUSIVE" WRITER, COMMANDEERING MY UNIQUE AND ORIGINAL RESOURCES -- AND ATTEMPTING TO MASTER MY OPPONENTS;
  6. I'M NOW THE "RECLUSIVE" COMMANDANT -- OF MY OWN VALUES AND PRINCIPLES; OF MY IDEAS AND BELIEFS; OF MY ATTITUDES AND IDEALS -- AS A FULL-FLEDGED, FULL -TIME, AND PROFESSIONAL "STUBBORN" AND "LOONY" WRITER -- IN OUR POSTMODERNIST SURVEILLANCE SOCIETY!

VITAL NOTES (NUMBER TWO) :

INDICATING PRECISELY

WHAT I WANT OUT OF LIFE --

AT THE AGE O
F 55


THIS WILL BE MY LAST -- PROVISIONALLY, TEMPORARILY AND TENTATIVELY --ATTEMPT TO PUBLICLY HEIGHTEN MY IMPACT ON MY FELLOW READERS AND CITIZENS (NOW AND IN THE FUTURE); TO STRENGTHEN MYSELF IN ALL ASPECTS OF MY BEING; AND TO HAVE MAXIMUM PUBLICITY FOR MY EFFORTS IN REVEALING THE INEPTITUDE (OR DISHONESTY?) OF THE SINGAPORE GOVERNMENT -- AND ITS SURVEILLANCE OFFICERS -- IN THEIR DAILY DEALINGS WITH ME.

THERE OUGHT TO BE SOME PROGRESS IN MY LIFE -- NO? ALL I NEED TO CONTINUE LIVING AND WORKING, AS A WRITER -- POSITIVELY, FRUITFULLY, AND FULLY -- IS THE CONSTANT POSSESSION AND AVAILABILITY OF THE FOLLOWING 5 BASIC (PERSONAL) PROPERTIES:





  1. A HIGH-QUALITY DICTIONARY;
  2. A HIGH-QUALITY THESAURUS;
  3. A HIGH-QUALITY ENCYCLOPEDIA;
  4. A HIGH-QUALITY REFERENCE "TEXTBOOK" ON POLITICS AND GOVERNMENT; AND, LASTLY,
  5. ENOUGH CASH (IN SINGAPORE DOLLARS, DEFINITELY!) -- AFTER ALL MY MONTHLY HOUSEHOLD BILLS ARE SETTLED AND AFTER ALL MY BASIC NEEDS (SUCH AS, YES INDEED!, SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH PROSTITUTES) ARE SATISFIED -- TO ENABLE ME TO CONCENTRATE AND FOCUS ON MY WRITING.

To conclude, I'd like to repeat here some of the important messages sent out by a fellow writer from the West -- so as to inform; to enlighten; and to educate us all who would care to listen:

  1. History to the defeated can still make some amends.
  2. The masses are not fashioned for manipulation or drudgery but are made up of autonomous individuals.
  3. Justice is ordinary, though not quite in the way that an unrepentant Western thought culture to be, because it is NOT latent or innate but needs to be decided by struggle and by irony too.

Cornered, cheated, exhausted and despondent -- under the relentless pressure mounted by the surveillance authorities, I have actually even considered emigrating, permanently, to the U.S. (the Mother of Democracy!) -- to, at last, set my proferssional ambition and aims, as a serious, quality writer, on a hopeful, rightful, meaningful and productive path!