YOU FUCKING IDIOTS, YOU STILL WANT TO LOCK ME UP ? (IN PRISON OR IN MENTAL HOSPITAL ?) -- IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING YOU'VE HAD ALREADY LEARNED

FROM DAVID CHUA CHUAN SEAH
TO BOTH SAFTI MILITARY OFFICERS (1972)
AND MSD OFFICERS/PERSONNEL (1976) :

ABOUT MY IMPENDING OR
COMING ARREST, DETENTION, TRIAL, SENTENCING, CONVICTION
AND IMPRISONMENT -- CONDUCTED BY A KANGAROO-COURT WITH
A LITTLE HELP FROM "HONOURABLE" AND "GENTLEMANLY" COURT OFFICIALS,
LAWYERS, JUDGES AND
ALL THOSE WHO WOULD BE
DULY INVOLVED IN MY STRANGE "CRIMINAL" (WHAT ELSE CAN
THE PUBLIC EXPECT?) CASE :

AM I GOING TO CONTINUE
LIVING, WORKING AND PLAYING
IN A NIGHTMARISH WORLD,
OR WILL IT BE SWEETNESS AND LIGHT
FROM NOW ONWARDS --
RIGHT FROM THE MOMENT OF
MY IMPENDING ARREST
BY THOSE "HONOURABLE"
AND "GENTLEMANLY" LAW
ENFORCEMENT OFFICERS?

INTERESTING QUESTION :
BUT, DEAREST SIRS (AND MADAMS), PLEASE, ON WHAT GROUNDS -- CERTAINLY AND SURELY -- MAY I HUMBLY, HONESTLY, RESPECTFULLY, AND TRULY ASK ?

MY OWN HIGHLY IMAGINATIVE
AND SELECTIVE REPLY :

ON THE GROUND THAT I AM "INSANE" ?

OR THAT I AM A "CRIMINAL" ?

OR WHAT ELSE? A "SEXUAL PERVERT"? A

DISGUSTING "EXHIBITIONIST"?

A "THIEF"? AN IMMODEST

AND OUTRAGEOUS "MOLESTER"?

YES, WHAT ELSE -- YOU MORONIC BASTARDS!

DO YOU HONESTLY THINK

THAT YOU CAN

PROVE YOUR ALLEGATION OR

CHARGE? (YES, ESPECIALLY IN A

KANGAROO COURT OF LAW !)


MY CHALLENGES TO THOSE WHO ARE OUT TO ARREST (MEANING: INSULT) ME -- AS THEY HAVE BEEN DOING SO, SINCE 1972 (THE YEAR OF MY UNWELCOMED, UNDESIRABLE, UNDESIRED AND NON-ACCEPTABLE IMPLANTATION BY SAFTI MILITARY AUTHORITIES):


FIRSTLY, YOU CAN'T SIMPLY DISMISS MY VALID CONCERNS !

1. YOU MUST TAKE STEPS TO RESOLVE BOTH MY DOMESTIC AND PUBLIC PROBLEMS -- CREATED BY YOU PEOPLE IN THE FIRST PLACE !
2. THE CRUX OF BOTH MY DOMESTIC AND PUBLIC PROBLEM -- AS AN INDIVIDUALIST AND OPPOSITIONIST WRITER WHO HAS BEEN TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY TO EARN A LIVING AS -- YES, PRECISELY -- A PROFESSIONAL WRITER -- LIES IN THE QUESTIONABLE CONDUCT OF ALL YOU PEOPLE, WHOSE EGOS ARE SO BIG AND WHO ARE NOT HELD ACCOUNTABLE IN ANY WAY -- NOT EVEN TO THE PAP LEADERSHIP, WHOSE MEMBERS' NAMES AND AUTHORITATIVE AND OFFICIAL POSITIONS YOU PEOPLE HAVE BEEN USING TO JUSTIFY YOUR CRUEL AND INHUMANE TREATMENT OF MYSELF (PRETENDING, ESPECIALLY TO ACT UNDER THEIR INSTRUCTIONS AND DIRECTIONS -- OFFICIAL OR OTHERWISE) -- FOR YOUR OWN NARCISSISTIC MISDEMEANOURS !
3. YOU PEOPLE CARE ONLY ABOUT WHAT YOUR SUPERIORS (THE PAP AND GOVERNMENT LEADERS) -- WHO ARE NOT EXACTLY AND CLEARLY AWARE OF YOUR ILLEGAL ACTIONS, GRAVE MISDEEDS AND SEVERE MISDEMEANOURS -- THINK OF YOU !
4. YOU PEOPLE HAVE LITTLE OR NO -- AT LEAST NOT TRULY GENUINE OR BONA FIDE -- CONCERNS ABOUT AND SYMPATHY FOR THE PLIGHT AND PREDICAMENT OF THOSE ORDINARY PEOPLE WHO ARE VICTIMIZED AS RESISTING AND REBELLIOUS IMPLANTEES -- LIKE YOURS TRULY, DAVID CHUA CHUAN SEAH !
5. YOU PEOPLE HAVE TRIED SO FAR TO SOLVE YOUR EXPECTED DIFFICULTIES -- DIDN'T YOU PEOPLE FIRST FORESEE SUCH ("UNEXPECTED") NEGATIVE AND LIFE-DESTROYING OUTCOMES AND CONSEQUENCES OF WHAT YOU PEOPLE HAD DECIDED AND ACTED UPON, WHEN YOU PEOPLE (MORONICALLY) IMPLANTED ME IN 1972 (WHEN I WAS JUST SERVING TWO-AND-A-HALF YEARS OF NATIONAL SERVICE IN THE SAF AS AN IDEALISTIC AND INEXPERIENCED YOUNG SOLDIER, TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF THE UNWILLING ROLE OR PART I WAS COMPELLED -- BY THE LAWS OF THE COUNTRY -- TO PERFORM, IN A FORBIDDING MILIEU AND IN AN AWKWARD ENVIRONMENT WHICH REMINDED ME, DAILY AND CONSTANTLY, THAT I WAS CLEARLY UNFIT TO BE IN ? NO? YES, WHY DIDN'T YOU PEOPLE LOOK AHEAD INTO THE FUTURE, YES, INTO THE KIND OF PERSON I WOULD BECOME , AND INTO THE KIND OF LIFE I WOULD BE LEADING -- AFTER I HAD LEFT THE SINGAPORE ARMED FORCES, UPON COMPLETION OF MY OFFICIALLY-SPECIFIED TERM OF TWO-AND-A-HALF YEARS OF NATIONAL SERVICE!) -- BY PLANNING TO SEND ME INTO (A) PRISON, OR TO (B) MENTAL HOSPITAL. IT IS AN ACT, A DECISION, A PLAN THAT IS NOT ONLY THUGGISH (REMINISCENT OF THE SOVIET-ERA STYLE OF PUTTING DISSIDENTS IN MENTAL HOSPITALS; BUT ALSO, IRONICALLY, AN ACT THAT WILL LEAD TO MORE GRIEVANCES ON MY PART AND SOW THE BAD SEEDS OF DISCORD -- IN A COUNTRY THAT WISHES TO BUILD A MORE HARMONIOUS SOCIETY, OF CITIZENS LIVING TOGETHER AND SHOWING RESPECT FOR ONE ANOTHER! [TELL ME, HOW CAN YOU REALLY EXPECT ME -- SUCH AN INTELLIGENT AND LIFE-AFFIRMING HUMAN BEING, A HARDWORKING AND AMBITIOUS WRITER (NOT MERELY PUBLISHED BLOGGER!), AN AMOROUS MAN WITH, FREQUENTLY, URGENT SEXUAL NEEDS THAT MUST BE SATISFIED, AND LASTLY, AN UNAMBIGUOUSLY, BASICALLY AND ESSENTIALLY LAW-ABIDING CITIZEN (UNTIL YOUR KANGAROO COURT WILL PROVE OTHERWISE!, I AM SURE!) -- YES, IN ALL SINCERITY AND HUMILITY, AND IN GOOD FAITH, HOW CAN YOU ACTUALLY, REALLY AND IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS, EXPECT ME TO RESPECT YOU PEOPLE -- AFTER SUCH A PERIOD OF IMPRISONMENT, THE EXPECTED OUTCOME OF A TRAIN OF EVENTS THAT WILL BEGIN FROM THIS MOMENT -- SHOULD I EVER RELINQUISH MY RIGHT TO FIGHT LIKE I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN CAPABLE OF DOING -- AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF MY BEING (UNLESS YOU PEOPLE ARE GOING TO CHEAT, YOU MORONIC BASTARDS!]
6. IN SINGAPORE, LET US SIMPLY BLAME OUR UNFREE (AND MAINLY COWARDLY AND MONEY-OBSESSED) PRESS OR MASS MEDIA FOR THE NON-TRANSPARENT AND NON-ACCOUNTABLE BEHAVIOUR AND ACTIONS AND ACTIVITIES OF THESE SECRETIVE, DEVIOUS AND GREEDY SURVEILLANCE AUTHORITIES (GOVERNMENTAL INTELLIGENCE AND SECURITY OFFICERS AND AGENTS)! THE PRESS -- WILL THEY REPORT ON MY CASE, SHOULD I ACTUALLY BECOME A DEFENDANT IN COURT -- FAIRLY, ACCURATELY, HONESTLY AND WITHOUT BIG EGOS TO DEFEND THEMSELVES (AGAINST ME?).
7. YOU MUST TRY TO SECURE OUR NATIONAL DEFENCE AND SECURITY, AND ALSO MAINTAIN AND PROMOTE THE HARMONY AND MUTUAL TRUST AMONG OUR CITIZENS IN OUR DEMOCRATIC SOCIETY -- WITH SPECIAL REGARD TO OUR NATIONAL PLEDGE -- WHILE PROTECTING THE SAME CITIZENS' CIVIL LIBERTIES AND THEIR PRIVACY !
8. AND, FRIENDS AND SUPPORTERS, BROTHERS AND SISTERS, AND FELLOW CITIZENS GENERALLY, WHAT --YES, WHAT? (IN GOD'S NAME?) -- IS THE WHOLE POINT OF IT ALL ? (YES, I MEAN, ALL THESE MORONIC ATTEMPTS TO CONTROL -- AND TO EXERT THEIR (THE PAP GOVERNMENT'S) MORONIC AUTHORITY AND POWER OVER -- OUR CITIZENS ? IS IT TO PROVE, DEAREST ONES, THAT THEY (THE PAP BASTARDS) ARE SUPERIOR TO DEAR OLD ME, FINALLY, AFTER ALL THESE CRAZY YEARS (MORE THAN 36!) ? THAT THEY ARE SO CRAZY -- YES, STILL SO CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE MORONIC YEARS, TO EVEN WANT TO BE NUMBER ONE ?)
9. BUT WHAT -- AH, YES ! -- SUCH POLITICAL INFANTILISTS, THESE PAP LEADERS REALLY ARE, AFTER ALL ! (ALL INTELLIGENCE AND SECURITY -- BUT NO WISDOM AT ALL! REALLY AND TRULY PATHETIC! AND SAD!)
10. THE DAYS WHEN MPs VOTED, WITHOUT A DIVISION, ON MATTERS OF IMPORTANCE -- TO OUR SENSE OF FAIRPLAY AND JUSTICE AND RESPECT FOR FREEDOM AND HUMAN RIGHTS -- ARE OVER! tHIS IS ESPECIALLY SO, NOW THAT NOTHING EVER GETS DEBATED, OR VOTED ON, WITH A BACKGROUND OF ALMOST COMPLETE PUBLIC INDIFFERENCE (OR, WORST STILL, OF COWARDLY OR ELSE STUNNED SILENCE FROM THE MPs THEMSELVES!)
11. WHAT I AM (NOW), WAS (THEN), HAVE BEEN (SO FAR), HAD BEEN (FOR TOO LONG NOW), AND PROBABLY STILL WILL BE (IN THE FUTURE) MUST BE ANSWERED, EXACTLY, WITH REFERENCE TO : (I) THE HISTORICAL REALITY; AND (B) THE HISTORICAL TRUTH -- CONSIDERING AND CONCERNING MY PRESENT STATUS AND MY FUTURE PROSPECT -- AS A MAN, HUMAN BEING, CITIZEN AND WRITER!

Invasion Of Privacy: Latest (Revised and Updated) Report On The Human Rights Situation In Singapore: A Case Study (of David Chua Chuan Seah)

What Actually Happened in the

Year 1972 :

The Moment Of Self-Discovery By

An "Implantee"

-- With A Little Help From My

"Friends"

(MSD/ISD/PAP/SPF/SG

Members and Officers)



Why I Have Suffered 36 Years Of

Manipulated Life,

Of Puzzling History, And Of

Purposeless Behaviour

(Both Private And Public)




QUOTE NO. ONE:

I never submitted the whole system of my opinions to the creed of any one party of men whatever, in religion, in philosophy, in politics or in anything else, where I was capable of thinking for myself .... such an "addiction" is the last degradation of a free and moral agent.

THOMAS JEFFERSON (1743 - 1826)
AMERICAN STATESMAN, 3RD PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED TATES, AND PRINCIPAL AUTHOR OF THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

QUOTE NO. TWO:

You cannot talk to a power politician as if he were a wise man.

THOMAS MERTON, "Symphony For A Sea Bird",
THE WAY OF CHUANG TZU (Boston & London: Shambhala, 1965)



I had foolishly gone AWOL from my company, based at Singapore Armed Forces Training Institute, where I was undergoing three months of infantry Section Leader training, sometime in early 1972. After a few days of wandering about, I returned to camp eventually and was quickly warded at the Medical Centre in SAFTI for observation.

I was an unobtrusive and quiet patient in the ward, while undergoing daily medical examination by the medical doctors there and also by the psychiatrists at a Government clinic at Maxwell Road, where I was referred to for specialist observation.

During the time I was resting as a patient in the Medical Centre, something serious and grave -- oh, Heavens! -- happened to me, which was to set the course of my future from then onwards. But what exactly did take place there and then?

This is a question of major importance to my life now and it has serious implications for my future as a writer. I've been waiting, since 1972, for this moment of truth-telling! This revelation of my actual status as a man, human being, citizen and writer -- with its purported role of an "implantee" (or agent or employee of the Singapore Government) will illuminate the rest of my life -- and allow me to see clearly ahead, on my road to professional success as a writer -- in Singapore, no less!

I will launch attack after attack -- against the Singapore Government for damaging my life -- with, especially, regard to my sexual needs -- and I will hold them responsible for any failure of mine now as a man trying to live out a normal life for the rest of my existence on this earth.

All I know is that I can remember many events, episodes and activities that I have had experienced during the last 36 years of my life -- as a "schizophrenic", a "molester", a "thief", a "violent" or "aggressive" man, a "PAP agent", a production worker, a low-level and humble clerk, a "mole", a "spy" -- yes, in other words, as a "government employee" acting in all these roles, guises and capacities which are all totally unsuited to my character, my personality, my values and principles, and my goals and real interests as a man, human being, citizen and aspiring writer!

The time for continuing to launch my anti-government sarcastic responses remains! My memory tells me if I am to embark on a serious and purposeful future course of action, I must attack the Singapore Government from now onwards. And I have been trying my best to do so -- except, on certain occasions, when, for some clear reasons -- moments of idiocy and imbecility -- under uninvited provocation!

I want to stress the gravity of the Singapore Government's mistake in "implanting" me, unofficially and without my consent or permission, in 1972 -- an act which was to result, for many years now, in its constant and conscious attempt and and effort -- by using the instruments of ministerial and state powers (the government,law, the police, etc.) to undermine my eventual (contemplated) success as a serious, quality writer unde (of published books -- and essays in important magazines)!

Today is the day for the Singapore Government to recognize and acknowledge, as the lawfully but unfairly elected rulers of Singapore, the upmost severity of my problematic situation. I have to regard myself as a case of Human Rights Abuses by the Singapore Government -- should this elected Democratic Government in Singapore fail to grant me my right to work as a professional writer.

I am not out to fix the government of Singapore -- no, not in any sense of the word. I am honestly trying to resolve my extremely difficult problem and my complicated present situation. Nobody up to now understands my problem, my situation, my predicament, my plight -- including my own cherished family members!

The choice is clear: Either the Singapore Government acts decisively on this vital matter of mine or it will have to answer to History.


Addendum:

All my revelations and exposure about surveillance officers and their activities are not aimed at undermining the Singapore Government's clear understanding of the issue at hand. I just want to EXPRESS myself -- my awareness, my knowledge, my knowingness -- after, especially, being for so long almost totally ignorant of what is crucially going on or taking place -- as a life-changing and life-affecting vital issue -- in this small country of my own and in the larger world too!

Let me declare that I regard the Singapore Government as entirely responsible for any failure of mine to work as a published professional writer (and to live with dignity and self-respect) -- and for any supposedly accummulated "debt" (of whatever kind) which it owed me (and for whose payment it has yet to make concretely and practically, in no uncertain or miniscule terms)! Does it still insist that it does not have any debt -- of whatever kind -- which it still owes me? [Had I not lost, missed, wasted and sacrificed so much? And had I not earned anything at all -- not even some monetary remuneration and even compensation, yes! -- for all my intellectual, moral, artistic and even physical efforts during these past 36 years of living as a reluctant and, sometimes, unhappy "implantee"? I just don't want to work, whether officially or unofficially, secretly or otherwise (except for a brief period at MSD in the days of long ago!), as a member of the governmental surveillance authorities -- be it as an intelligence or security officer or in any capacity or role. I am just INCOMPATIBLE with Government service!]

This is what is TROUBLING and PUZZLING to me -- as a rational man with some compassion of no small measure: How could anyone force me to work in any capacity or role or guise that I have absolutely neither the interest nor the qualities or the abilities to perform in -- to my own satisfaction and self-respect?

And I'm not going to join a political party just to reward the loyalty of activists -- former or current ones! I do want to serve the people, but only as a writer and not a a practising politician! But firstly, I must, after all these hopeless and miserable years, serve myself -- yes!, my own needs and goals!

I believe a great number of Singa0poreans are suffering from a disaffected relationship with and attitude towards the Singapore government! Andf they mustbe, this coming General Election, allowed tom express such disaffection at the ballot box. This is a cornerstone of true and genuine -- not cosmetic -- democracy! (And certainly, I am not going to be in politics to enrich myself or to exercise autocratic powers!) And I don't believe in Western conspiracies! Some leaders aremore interested in, or concerned with, Western bullying -- in the form of conspiracies, for instance, which they claim these Western powers are (or which they accuse them of) trying to use to undermine their positions in the political and social order (or themselves!) -- than in how they TREAT their OWN PEOPLE!

That grave mistake in "implanting" me was not accidental. I am very sure of that! It was a deliberate and calculated attempt to exploit my weaknesses and defects in order to serve an outcome which all members of the top brass in SAFTI at that time were keen to establish in their lives and which was based on a decision undertaken by the military top brass with such unforgivable lightness of consideration and with such unbearable lack of awareness of its severe implications to my own life and future -- should the outcome ever turn into a disastrous mishandling of my case and an unpardonable mistreatment of myself as a medical patient warded at a medical centre for simple medical observation and perhaps even professional treatment by qualified medical practitioners -- yes, for an admittedly rash and foolish act which, nonetheless, merely expressed my youthful idealism and naivete in those days.

But why, oh why? And why the cover-up all these years?

Was there ever such an example of total INEPTITUDE by members of what is publicly promoted and claimed as a supposedly "good" and "able" government? And are they really and truly interested in a GENUINE transfer of power -- and not in a cosmetic one? Is it going to be an admirable exercise in statesmanship? OR IS IT JUST A MATTER OF SIMPLY LOSING TOTAL CONTROL? WILL THE TRANSFER RESULT IN INCESTUOUS PARTITIONS OR DIVISIONS --AND THEN IN SHAMBLES? TRULY, IT WILL BE AN IGNOMINOUS END TO SO MANY YEARS OF "HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL" RULE -- ALBEIT A RULE BASED MOSTLY ON BLUFF! -- AND ALSO DAMN INSULTING THREATS AND TYPICALLY ABUSIVE AND CRUEL ACTIONS!

WOULD IT BE -- ASSUMING IT IS GOING TO BE A REALITY! -- A TIMELY (AND HENCE ORDERLY) TRANSFER OF POWER? OR WILL IT DEPEND ON EXTREMISTS FROM BOTH (OR MANY) SIDES OF THE POLITICAL DIVIDE: PLANNING, SCHEMING AND ORGANIZING -- FOR AN EVENTUAL FATAL END (OR JUST A BLOW) TO SUCH "OPENING-UP OF THE POLITICAL PROCESS", TO BE KICKED OFF INITIALLY BY A "GENUINE" -- AND NOT COSMETIC -- "TRANSFER OF POWER"?

THE POSSIBILITY OF THIS SO-CALLED "TRANSFER OF POWER" BECOMING, OR RESULTING IN, PHONY "LIBERATION" -- WITH INTENDED AND EXPECTED (BECAUSE PLANNED, CONCOCTED, MANUFACTURED AND INSTIGATED) BRUTISH AND IRRATIONAL CONSEQUENCES -- IS THERE FOR ALL TO SEE (IN ADVANCE) -- ESPECIALLY TO, AND FOR, THOSE IN-THE-KNOW: TO WITNESS, REMEMBER AND BE ON GUARD AGAINST!

I WOULD COUNSEL ALL THOSE WHO ARE TEMPTED, ENTICED, PROMPTED AND ENCOURAGED -- WHO, IN OTHER WORDS, ARE LIKELY TO BE CONCERNED WITH, OR BE INVOLVED IN, TO REGARD SUCH A "TRANSFER OF POWER" WITH CAUTION! THEY SHOULD ACT WISELY AND HONESTLY, AND, TO REPEAT, SHOW THE UTMOST CAUTION!

LEE KUAN YEW HIMSELF IS NOT THE UNIFYING PRINCIPLE IN THE LIVES OF MOST OF US! LET ME TELL YOU THIS: HIS DEATH ITSELF WILL NOT RESULT IN THE FATAL -- OR OTHERWISE -- END OF (OR BLOW FOR) THE PAP REGIME. IT IS, AFTER ALL AND ACTUALLY, NOT THE REMOVAL OF BIG, BIG, FUCKINGLY BIG EGOs THAT WILL CREATE PROBLEMS FOR THE ERSTWHILE SUCCESSFUL GOVERNMENT OF SINGAPORE.

WHAT THEN IS THE SOLUTION? WELL, MY HUMBLE AND UNPROFESSIONAL REPLY: REAL DIFFICULTIES MUST NOT BE LEFT TO RESOLVE THEMSELVES! SOME PEOPLE WITH INSIGHT, WISDOM AND UNDERSTANDING (AND NOT MERE KNOWLEDGE, INFORMATION AND INTELLIGENCE) -- PRESUMABLY THE CURRENT LEADERS -- HAVE TO BELIEVE IN -- AND TO PRACTISE WHAT THEY BELIEVE IN AND SAY (WHETHER PUBLICLY OR NOT) -- THE POLITICS OF RETREAT!

AND YOU DON'T NEED ALL THOSE FUCKING SWEET-TALKING PUBLIC RELATIONS OFFICERS TO HELP PREPARE THE GROUND FOR THAT -- OR TO KEEP UP BRAVE FRONTS FOR THEMSELVES IN ORDER TO DO THAT! (IT IS, I'M SURE, PRETTY HUMBLING -- EVEN HUMILIATING --FOR THEM TO ADOPT SUCH RETRACTION OR RETREAT FROM THEIR WORLD-FAMOUS BRAND OF POLITICS AND GOVERNMENT!) THAT IS ALL!

Dear Singaporeans: Every Thing I Do, I Do It For You

The Truth About My Past "Schizophrenia"

During the course of these past long years after my resignation from MSD in 1976, I had to try defending myself in various ways against the PAP Government's attempt to discredit me as an anti-PAP critic and writer. Eventually, I found the most effective self-defence was to feign a convincing "neutralization" of my self-chosen role as a critic and writer with anti-PAP opinions by pretending to suffer from a "schizophrenic breakdown". That was how I could avoid being harassed and intimidated by the watching and watchful PAP Government--by rendering myself as a "schizophrenic" writer that posed no effective challenge or threat to the PAP regime. Thus, I had to make plans for this purpose right after my resignation from MSD in 1976; and I was finally able to execute my plans, starting from the year 1985, to pretend that I was suffering from "schizophrenia"!

I had to become an actor. I had to, in other words, assume the signs and symptoms of this dreaded and stigmatised mental illness. Thus, I was ready to be interviewed, as planned, and "correctly" diagnosed by the government psychiatric consultants--when I was brought to the old Woodbridge Hospital (at Yio Chu Kang) by the unsuspecting police, whom I had to provoke and hoodwink, in order to make them believe that I was crazy or mad!

To protect my role as a critic and writer with long-held anti-PAP views and beliefs, I thus had to feign the signs and symptoms of schizophrenia during various incidents, at home or in public, beginning from 1985 and right through the last 23 years! These incidents, particularly during an extremely "active" year in 1986--when I was living at Jalan Kukoh--were intended to be witnessed by neighbours and members of the public and recorded in official statements and documents by policemen notified to check on my "mental breakdown", so that I can establish my "schizophrenic" status! In 1989, I finally succeeded in having myself brought to the old Woodbridge Hospital by the police, who thought they had a "mental" case on their hands! Obviously, I had to convince the government medical psychiatrists attending to my case that I was suffering from "schizophrenia"--which I did, as I was diagnosed and warded at the hospital for the first time. After my discharge from my first stay at the old Woodbridge Hospital, I managed to get involved in other "criminal" incidents deliberately--so that my "schizophrenia" could be corroborated by police officers who were interrogating me or investigating my case.

And what, for your information, dear Singaporeans, are these signs and symptoms (which I had to study and remember from reading medical books on psychiatry and from other relevant sources of information--such as brochures issued by Singapore Association for Mental Health) which managed to lend credibility to my "schizophrenic" guise?

They fall into the following areas [as listed and described in two brochures, "A Family Guide To Understanding Schizophrenia" (SAMH, Singapore) and "Plain Talk" (SAMH, Singapore)]:

1. Appearance: Often persons suffering from schizophrenia may not take care of themselves properly. Their appearance may be unkempt or untidy. Their personal hygiene may suffer.
2. Behaviour: Persons with schizophrenia are rarely violent. They are often distracted and appear to be in their own world. They may not pay much attention to what is occurring around them and may talk or gesture to themselves. Withdrawal is another common sign, when they retreat into their own world, losing the ability to concentrate or communicate with others. They become apathetic and listless, even to the point of hardly moving at all.
3. Thinking: Persons with schizophrenia have difficulty keeping their thoughts in order. They may become disturbed in such a way that they are unable to focus on a main point of a statement or an argument. They may suffer a mental block, or crowding of their thoughts. They will often jump from topic to topic. They may even experience hallucinations. They may imagine things which do not seem possible: such as seeing and smelling things that aren't there, or hearing voices speaking to them, discussing their thoughts or behaviour, urging them to a certain action, or having peculiar ideas that seem strange or unrealistic. Quite often they suffer from delusions, forming false beliefs despite obvious proof to the contrary. They may become very irritable and suspicious, believing others are plotting against them, following and staring at them, or reading their thoughts.
4. Speech: Persons with schizophrenia may be difficult to understand. Their speech may be disconnected, or even incoherent. They may talk very rapidly or slowly. Their speech then become vague or inconsequential. They may say things which do not make sense.
5. Emotions: Persons with schizophrenia often do not feel the same way as others. At times they may be very sad or happy for no apparent reason. They may scold others without cause. They can appear frightened or withdrawn. Their emotions may become dull and flattened, out of step with what's going on--for instance, they may start laughing in the middle of a funeral.

My greatest challenge, while being warded on three major occasions (the first time, in May 1989, at the old Woodbridge Hospital and the second and third time, in 1994 and April 1998 respectively, at the new hospital--located at Buangkok Green), was having to deal with the need to be seen taking the prescribed oral medicine for my "schizophrenia". (The infrequent injection of modecate into my body was regarded by me as an unavoidable "occupational risk". It is a sacrifice that I have had made with no ill-effects.) The daily rounds of oral medicine-taking, which included consuming the drug chlorpromazine, was watched by the observant nursing staff. I had to let them watch my "consumption" of the medicinal tablets. Thus, I achieved my purpose of my "schizophrenic" guise--and yet prevented myself from having to suffer from any side-effects of an actual consumption!

(There were occasions, however, when I failed to succeed in pretending to consume the oral medicine--and the dosage prescribed to me was too high! I had to suffer the consequent side-effects of such an "occupational risk"--drowsiness, giddiness and even, on one occasion, fainting!)

After every period of usually short-term hospitalisation, I was discharged with the instruction to follow-up my drug treatment by visiting the outpatient clinic (at first at the old Woodbridge Hospital and later at the Institute of Mental Health) regularly for psychiatric consultation, my supply of oral medication and injection. Over these long years, I maintained my feigned psychiatric profile with such regular visits--so successfully that even my own family members believed I was a "schizophrenic"!

I have reached the point in this stage of my life when I no longer have to keep up or maintain my "schizophrenic" guise or profile. That is why I have stopped my regular visits to the Institute of Mental Health as a "recovered" outpatient. For the past few months, I have established myself, through the Internet blogs and websites, as a recognised political commentator, critic and writer.

I am looking forward to continue my new life as a political critic and writer with long-held anti-PAP (and, especially, anti-LKY) views.

And, dear Singaporeans, that is how and what I have transformed myself into--in the course of my life during these past long years--to protect myself as a political critic and writer with anti-PAP (and, especially, anti-LKY) views--to ensure that I can serve the cause of democracy and to fight for the recognition, respect and observance of human rights, as a Singaporean writer and political critic with long-held anti-PAP (and, especially, anti-LKY) opinions, beliefs and ideas!