Why The Silence (From Those Surveillance Officers)? Stunned, Once Again!, By My Honesty, Truthfulness, Self-Awareness and Power -- and "Stubborness"

The Predictable Official Response

To My Application

For Financial Assistance

To :

The Acting Deputy General Manager,
North West Community Development Council,
Singapore.

Dear Ms Crystal Teng,

Do You Really -- Truly and Sincerely -- CARE, SHARE AND BOND (With Those You Serve?)

PLEASE REFER TO YOUR REPLY, on 14.11.08 (Case Ref: 010657/03), to my humble application for FINANCIAL assistance from the Singapore Government -- through your highly esteemed social welfare agency.

Your response to my need for FINANCIAL assistance is to offer me, yes!, Food Vouchers for 3 months (worth S$30.00 per month)! How totally pathetic! What is your understanding of my situation? What compassion is shown by the authority? Let me tell you -- clearly, loudly, distinctly and logically : I WILL collect my entitlement of Food Vouchers from your NWCDC -- and still remain fully aggrieved and angered by your refusal to help me FINANCIALLY -- but instead, to give me such a miserable token "gift" from your immense wealth and high salary?


Are these Singapore Government officers trying to placate me with such token small gestures of "assistance" and "support" -- knowing all-too-well about my FEW needs and their easily-satisfied nature? Are they trying, for the satisfaction of witnessing my humiliating concession to the Singapore Government, to exchange such placation for, to wit, my willingness to concede my rights to live my own life in my own way?


Such a lame, odious and ultimately infantile -- not to mention insulting and deceiving -- response from the authorities will only serve to harm the PAP's next re-election campaign, when it will, once again, seek to win even more electoral votes from even more constituents in the next General Elections. It will be the most crucial and important GE among them all -- in our short national history! (Don't worry, the preparations of the Opposition Parties this time -- right from the very beginning, involving the selection and nomination of contesting candidates -- will NOT be like the kind of afore-said response which the PAP Government and its surveillance officers have given me so far -- in responding, precisely, to my attempt to seek FINANCIAL help to extend my ability to live a dignified and self-respecting and hopefully long life.


I'm a very lonely man and citizen (despite having numerous contacts, every day, with people from all walks of life -- regardless of age, sex, race, language, education, religion, and nationality -- in the course of my work as a writer).

And I'm being constantly harassed and derided by the Singapore Government's surveillance officers, who have driven me to a "loony" state of FINANCIAL destitution -- and blaming me for such a personal crisis by claiming that my regular patronization of prostitutes (yes, but how many a month, in the first place?) is the cause of my FINANCIAL problem! But do I have to apologize for my attempts, as a still healthy 55-year-old man -- in spite of suffering from diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol (whose regular treatment by polyclinic doctors HAVE SO FAR absorbed a substantial amount of my limited FINANCIAL resources) -- to satisfy my sexual needs?


Honourable men and women, I am still a single, a man -- a physically strong bachelor -- at the age of 55 -- a Senior Citizen no less, and I have the right to patronize the services of prostitutes -- even with my limited FINANCIAL resources!

I've already withdrawn, upon reaching the age of 55 this July, a sum of more than S$3,000.00 from the Special Account of my CPF -- there is no more money left in my Ordinary Account . I've already used part of it to pay for my outstanding and current HDB loan instalment -- and about most of the remaining money to buy a Personal Computer (ACER Brand) on 5.8.08 -- to help me in my work as a writer. This PC, however, had already been sold recently, in order for me to pay my outstanding bills.


As I've sold my PC (at a really great loss!), I'd to terminate my internet service account, run by STARHUB, which then billed me an additional sum of $400.oo (for early termination of service -- agreed upon in our contract) -- to bring my current debt to STARHUB to more than $660.00! (And that for just a few weeks of usage of my PC!)


I've also sold the 2 Nokia handphones that I'd bought this year , on two separate occasions (0n 21.6.08 and on 30.9.08), to facilitate my communication with publishers. Both handphones had since been sold, again on two separate occasions (on 12.9.08 and on 18.11.08), unwillingly and desperately, to help me buy essential food items for my daily consumption.

My DEPENDANTS PROTECTION SCHEME policy will soon be terminated if I can't renew it by paying, in full, the annual premium of $260.00 to the insurer, NTUC Income.


I had to sell off my entire vast collection of my treasured CDs and DVDs -- in order to pay for my monthly bills.

I've even contemplated selling my only portable radio receiver left in my sparsely-furnished flat, which would truly deny me the opportunity to listen to my favourite BBC news and current affairs programmes (the only source of information about the world for me now, since I've long stopped buying the local dailies for both financial and political reasons).

As a Senior Citizen, I'm, however, unable even to enjoy the special movie-going concession of paying only $4.00 flor a ticket to watch a movie at the local cinema.

On another related but seemingly insignificant matter: Why can't I, a Senior Citizen at the official age of 55 (plus a few months) who, to at least the kind operators of local cinemas, can enjoy a cinema show for S$4.00, be also allowed to qualify for the similar use of concessionary tickets when travelling on our buses and MRT trains? Why can't the bus transport operators and the MRT auhorities follow the same age ruling or requirement for consideration as a Senior Citizen -- at age 55 instead 0f 60! -- to be allowed, yes, as an officially-declared Senior Citizen, to travel on our buses and MRT trains?


I've also considered selling off my 3-room HDB flat in an eventuality -- so as to solve all my FINANCIAL problems, caused primarily by my inability to service, fully and regularly, my monthly instalment payments (whose settlement every month is needed in order for me to repay, progressively, the entire loan given to me by the HDB, upon my purchase of my flat in 1997).

Publishers have also been rejecting my writings for publication as books, for fear of offending the authorities with their support, business-wise or commercially speaking, for my sensitive and provocative socio-political writings. How am I supposed to earn a living as a writer then?

My siblings have also stopped helping me FINANCIALLY. Without their monthly contributions to my monthly "income", I have only my loyal tenants to rely on, FINANCIALLY, for sustaining my livelihood. (My tenants pay me S$400.00 every month for renting my bedroom. And that is the only source of my monthly income now.)

I've already reached the lowest point of my FINANCIAL situation: I'm so destitute that I'm forced to sell off all my valuable personal items or properties in order to have enough money to buy food daily. (Don't even mention my need to pay all those troubling and unsettling household bills.) And I've been wearing mostly the same old clothes for more than 10 years now. I'm also unable to contribute to charitable and religious organizations -- although I'd like to.


I was so downright poor at one time -- reaching a point in my life when I' had to seriously persuade myself -- rationally (in others words, against my personal convictions) -- that I'd need to to sell, illegally, pirated VCDs and CDs, in order to have any money to buy food for myself at all! (Was it how I should have lived, worked and played -- all through the last 36 years -- as a "model" or "good" citizen?)

There are no more grey areas left in my life now. All personal items which are deemed worth selling at all, and which I consider dispensable, have mostly been sold. That is how desperate -- and how economical -- I have become, yes, you fucking bastards from MSD, ISD, SPF and the power-hungry and affluent members of the PAP leadership! (There are certain aspects in my being and in my life, let me remind them, that I will never try to convert into cash! Do you hear me?)

As a poor and helpless writer, my most important problem is still, to re-emphasize once more, to settle my outstanding and current HDB bills (amounting to S$1,577.25). With this in mind, on 13.11.08 (Thur.), I approached and met, in person, Mr Tan Wee Liat (Tel: 63985934), Estate Officer in HDB Yishun Branch Office, and spoke to him for about half-an-hour (between 2.30 pm and 3.05 pm) about my inability to pay my outstanding and current HDB bills. I asked him to help prevent the possibility of my being heavily indebted, in the long term, to the HDB. Even now, my seemingly insignificant debt to the HDB has been troubling and de-stabilizing me for a long time now -- affecting negatively my work and my ability as a writer. (Such tight FINANCIAL situation had even forced me to pawn my precious gold pendant and gold chain -- given to me for remembrance by my late mother -- so as to allow me to pay, partially, my household bills and also for the purchase of food items and other groceries.)


But what can Mr Tan Wee Liat do?

What will he, with due respect to his authoritative and responsible position, do?

Surely, the highest authority in the land can show him some initiative and cooperativeness -- as a problem-solver -- by letting Mr TAN WEE LIAT do what he can possibly do (from a sense of my truly difficult plight)? Perhaps, and I am speaking as an uninformed citizen, Mr Tan can grant me a TEMPORARY REPRIEVE FROM PAYMENT OF MY OUTSTANDING AND CURRENT HDB BILLS (lasting for an initial period of 6 months -- and involving an amount of money every month which, had I been compelled to use it for the payment of my HDB bills, would have prevented me from better utilizing it for the payment of all my essential household expenses and basic needs (such as food) -- in order to help me achieve a long-enough period of mental repose and, hence, of intellectual fertility and vibrancy, so as to ensure greater success for me as a serious, quality writer (a writer whose ability to satisfy his basic needs is presently undermined by the surveillance authorities)?

After all, to succeed as a writer, whose work is time-consuming and extremely demanding -- of the utmost effort, application, concentration and mental energy, one needs to be more than hardworking and merely capable of writing grammatically and interestingly.


I used to maintain 2 different bank accounts and had several Fixed Deposits and also yearly subscriptions to savings and insurance schemes in my "better-off" adult working years, when for financial reasons, I had to, as an unsuccessful writer not earning any money at all, I was forced, reluctantly and unhappily, to work in other unrelated non-writing (and quite boring, unchallenging and even menial) occupations and jobs in order to survive -- in jobs such as factory production work; clerical work; sales work; cleaning work; contract renovation work; shop assistance work; security (guard) work; delivery work; and waiter's work.

But now, I've just about slightly more than one Singapore dollar left in my only (POSB) bank account. I also have many outstanding household bills to settle with the various authorities. With almost no cash -- yes, no MONEY -- in my possession, how am I going to even try budgeting my spending activities and plans? I don't have the economic freedom to pursue my own money-making opportunities -- in my own way as a "stubborn" and "loony" writer! (Stopping me from eating chickens regularly is not the solution to my problems, dear!)


Surely, our "good" and "able" Singapore Government is not totally heartless? Surely, it can't ignore my calls and pleas for FINANCIAL assistance -- as mounted by my personal presence at the NWCDC (located at Woodlands Civic Centre) on 2 occasions now [the first on 12.7.08, which turned into an official rejection of my application, as confirmed to me by Ms Chin Tong Mui, Deputy General Manager, in a letter on 7.8.08 (Case Ref: 10657/03); and the second (and latest occasion) on 28.10.08, when I duly presented many of my important personal and "public" documents, including printed copies of my relevant blog posts (http://afighterandalovertoo.blogspot.com/), to my interviewing officer -- a Malay woman by the name of Mazlaina -- for her own report and presentation to the higher authorities, so that they can refer to them and, of course, take urgent action or apply effective solution (after giving them their utmost attention)!


Unlike the first occasion, when I was interviewed by a seemingly concerned (and admittedly utterly charming) "socially working" executive officer -- with seemingly impeccable academic credentials and a listening ear, I was very emotionally charged and intellectually focused this time -- on my second appearance inside the NWCDC Interview Room -- where I pleaded for FINANCIAL assistance from the government by giving the equally attentive and genuinely concerned Senior Manager (a woman called Mazlaina), a comprehensive and honest account of my troubling plight and unsettling predicament as an oppositionist writer, working unsuccessfully to write and to publish my writings as books of collected essays. Mazlaina, after listening to my call for help, promised to refer my case to the senior authorities for further consideration and approval. I had, presumably then, managed to impress upon Mazlaina the SEVERITY and GRAVITY of my unenviable and de-stabilizing predicament.


I expect the highest authorities at the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) to show more initiative and co-operativeness -- and not merely a "careful" assessment of my situation (by just following the ministry's policy guidelines)! After all, there is indeed A CHANGE IN MY CIRCUMSTANCES AT THE PRESENT MOMENT -- VASTLY DIFFERENT FROM THOSE IN EXISTENCE AT THE TIME OF MY FIRST APPLICATION FOR FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE!


Please do undertake genuine actions -- and thereby show serious, high-level and high-standard CONCERN for my plight and predicament as an unsuccessful writer who is unable to earn a living -- yes, to earn any income at all! -- in his role and capacity as a professionally serious and quality writer. It is a situation caused, in no small or insignificant manner, by the efforts and activities of the very same government surveillance officers who are spying and snooping on me, with their aim of controlling me and turning me into an obedient, uncritical, unthinking, apathetic and even cynical SUBJECT -- without any soul, heart, mind and (unviolated) body of his own -- without, yes, any INDIVIDUALITY of MY own!

To conclude, I demand a genuine -- not a cosmetic and temporary -- solution to my FINANCIAL predicament at the highest level -- from the highest authorities in the country -- and certainly not from some sorry pathetic, miserable and low-level "problem-solvers" like you, sorry Ms Teng -- a mere government functionary!

I want the Singapore Government to show more genuine understanding of the GRAVITY andf SEVERITY of my FINANCIAL situation -- as a poor, helpless and unfortunate writer under immense, constant and relentless pressure from the very same heartless government -- yes, from which I am trying, perhaps foolishly?, to seek FINANCIAL assistance (in order to alleviate, or better still, to resolve my FINANCIAL problems once and for all)!

Don't you realize the sheer IRONY -- is THAT the correct word? (you see? I have been suffering, and am still suffering, from 36 years of continuing interruptions, disruptions and corruptions of my language-using ability!) -- of IT all? I rest my case!

Addendum:

But I'm a man of rectitude. I'm a fearless individualist who believes I can make a difference to the world. To those who are on the right (and bright) side of history, I want them to realize this:

Historical truth will out!

And:

Principles are potent!

Through my incessant efforts as an uncompromising oppositionist (and now so-called "loony") writer, I'll light up the world; I'll lighten the load of those oppressed and victimized by the authorites; I'll light up their lives; I'll enlighten them; I'll be the light of their life; and, when lightning strikes (as it always will -- often unexpectedly too), I'll tell them not to take it lightly!


Let me now tell you more about my sacrifices as an oppositionist writer and individualist living and working in a postmodernist globalized and surveillance society like ours.

Firstly, I've not been to any foreign countries for the past 10 years -- until recently, that is (on a short trip to Malaysia) -- with the aim of expanding my intellectual horizons as a curious writer.

I had to terminate my Internet Account with the National Library Board just recently (because I was unable to pay for my usage of its services) -- although, as an industrious writer, I need to use the public library's PC daily in the course of my work.



VITAL NOTES (NUMBER ONE):

INDICATING PRECISELY

WHAT I MEAN -- AT AGE 55

1. YOUR ERRORS OR MISTAKES INDICATE THAT THEY ARE NOT ACCIDENTALLY COMMITTED BUT THE RESULT OF A CALCULATED DECISION-MAKING BY THE PARTY LEADERS;
2. THE CONSTANT CALCULATIVENESS OF THEIR ACTIONS INDICATE THAT THEY ARE BASED ON LONG-TERM PLANNING AND GOALS -- AND NOT ON SHORT-TERM AIMS AND GAINS;
3. MY INDEPENDENT MEMORY INDICATES TO ME THAT THOSE "ABLE" AND "GOOD" LEADERS ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED;
4. MY FUNCTION AS A COMMANDER AND MASTER (OF MY OWN RESOURCES) IS TO OPPOSE MY ENEMIES -- INDICATING THAT I AM AWARE THAT THEY ARE JUST OUT TO EXERT THEIR AUTHORITY AND POWER AND TO IMPOSE THEIR CONTROL OVER ME;
5. MY PRESENT RESIDENCE (AND ITS OFFICIAL ADDRESS) IS NOW MY BASE FOR BOTH MY LONG-TERM PLANNING AND MY CURRENT DAY-TO-DAY OPERATIONS -- AS A "RECLUSIVE" WRITER, COMMANDEERING MY UNIQUE AND ORIGINAL RESOURCES -- AND ATTEMPTING TO MASTER MY OPPONENTS;
6. I'M NOW THE "RECLUSIVE" COMMANDANT -- OF MY OWN VALUES AND PRINCIPLES; OF MY IDEAS AND BELIEFS; OF MY ATTITUDES AND IDEALS -- AS A FULL-FLEDGED, FULL -TIME, AND PROFESSIONAL "STUBBORN" AND "LOONY" WRITER -- IN OUR POSTMODERNIST SURVEILLANCE SOCIETY!

VITAL NOTES (NUMBER TWO) :

INDICATING PRECISELY

WHAT I WANT OUT OF LIFE --

AT THE AGE OF 55


THIS WILL BE MY LAST -- PROVISIONALLY, TEMPORARILY AND TENTATIVELY --ATTEMPT TO PUBLICLY HEIGHTEN MY IMPACT ON MY FELLOW READERS AND CITIZENS (NOW AND IN THE FUTURE); TO STRENGTHEN MYSELF IN ALL ASPECTS OF MY BEING; AND TO HAVE MAXIMUM PUBLICITY FOR MY EFFORTS IN REVEALING THE INEPTITUDE (OR DISHONESTY?) OF THE SINGAPORE GOVERNMENT -- AND ITS SURVEILLANCE OFFICERS -- IN THEIR DAILY DEALINGS WITH ME.

THERE OUGHT TO BE SOME PROGRESS IN MY LIFE -- NO? ALL I NEED TO CONTINUE LIVING AND WORKING, AS A WRITER -- POSITIVELY, FRUITFULLY, AND FULLY -- IS THE CONSTANT POSSESSION AND AVAILABILITY OF THE FOLLOWING 5 BASIC (PERSONAL) PROPERTIES:

1. A HIGH-QUALITY DICTIONARY;
2. A HIGH-QUALITY THESAURUS;
3. A HIGH-QUALITY ENCYCLOPEDIA;
4. A HIGH-QUALITY REFERENCE "TEXTBOOK" ON POLITICS AND GOVERNMENT; AND, LASTLY,
5. ENOUGH CASH (IN SINGAPORE DOLLARS, DEFINITELY!) -- AFTER ALL MY MONTHLY HOUSEHOLD BILLS ARE SETTLED AND AFTER ALL MY BASIC NEEDS (SUCH AS, YES INDEED!, SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH PROSTITUTES) ARE SATISFIED -- TO ENABLE ME TO CONCENTRATE AND FOCUS ON MY WRITING.

To conclude, I'd like to repeat here some of the important messages sent out by a fellow writer from the West -- so as to inform; to enlighten; and to educate us all who would care to listen:

1. History to the defeated can still make some amends.
2. The masses are not fashioned for manipulation or drudgery but are made up of autonomous individuals.
3. Justice is ordinary, though not quite in the way that an unrepentant Western thought culture to be, because it is NOT latent or innate but needs to be decided by struggle and by irony too.

Cornered, cheated, exhausted and despondent -- under the relentless pressure mounted by the surveillance authorities, I have actually even considered emigrating, permanently, to the U.S. (the Mother of Democracy!) -- to, at last, set my proferssional ambition and aims, as a serious, quality writer, on a hopeful, rightful, meaningful and productive path!