Money, Money, Money!

The Fate of a Horny But

Ageing Writer-Intellectual


I Will Succeed With

Khin

Khin!



In a world where everything seems programmed, even chaos, chance, love, sex and surprise, I've got to defy logic and bewilder people -- as an individualist!

Sharing, individualistic, creative, expressive!

Hugging, kissing, caressing!

Lively and interesting conversation with such a nice woman--again!

I'm an ageing writer, attempting to touch a young woman's mind, heart and body!

I'm sexually experienced, thick-skinned, politically aware, lonely, single, liberated, articulate, intelligent, handsome, trusting, friendly, observant, kind, gentle, honest, free-thinking, successful and wholeheartedly in love with Khin!

The PAP Project versus the Reality of the situation.

The memory of an individualist -- of his true self: In another "story" or two! [See "Remembrance of Most things Past: 1953-1972" and "Memories (and Records) of My Childhood, Boyhood and Young Adulthood at Tasek Utara Estate" (http://www.trainofmypresence.blogspot.com).]

Can I trust the PAP Government? (It is difficult for me to do so--with such a collection of controllers and their diverse opinions, needs, aspirations and experiences!)

But the PAP has only one aim--to make me join it as a member of the PAP Government!

I'm a critic and writer who can't imagine myself as a member of the PAP Government!

I'll never trust the PAP Government!

Accommodation? Trade-offs? Costs?

The undisciplined use of meaning, construction, symbol, interpretation, and metaphor without any regard for the constraints of knowledge about human behaviour from other sources!

Anarchism! Miseducation! Common Good! Determining Democracy! Failed States. Fateful Triangle! For Reasons of State! Hegemony or Survival! Interventions! Language and Politics! Language and Mind! Language and Thought! Middle Illusions! Media Control! Objectivity and Liberal Scholars! Perilous Power!

Your Full Name, please? Identity? Date of Birth? Educational Level? Occupation? (Yes!)

Ah, the periodic cost of living a stable, boring life (which I have borne all this while)! No to Social Security! No to intensified State Control! I'll not belong to the Party! I'm unwilling to support its politics! (Otherwise, or else, I must be prepared -- or accept being led -- to become a SUBJECT!)

This blog is officially protected! What was required by the officials? (What I myself can morally justify!)

I'm trying to deal with historical truth!

My "blasphemies" against right-wing intellectuals and politicians?

What is your preferred genre--as a symbol and representation of reality?

Are the tyrants and the suppressed masses truly irreconcilable in every respect? (Or is it a matter of unconscious reciprocal stimulation? A central question, one that is valid with respect to artists and authors: What are the conflicts, contradictions, and frustrations of freedom?)

What is the most sensitive aspect of my self-understanding? (My creativity! Or my feeling of forced deracination and intensified risk and insecurity?)

Oh, the clarifying and cathartic functions of writing, again, in my latest blog entries! At its most effective level!

(And I'm eagerly waiting for Khin to appear in my presence, again!--for conversation and ...).

Bizarre Odyssey: My Life As A Man Controlled By The Network's Core Group of Power-Players

Which Side Am I On?

(You Know Which Side!)


The only possible redemption for me from this gruesome and still unconcluded chapter of my life seems to be escaping the boredom--at whatever cost--in this authoritarian and autocratic, yes, totalitarian society (in which nothing is left to chance and nothing is what it seems).

To survive within and against this system--the nameless and faceless but all-present authorities--which are allied to an insidious, chilling and mysterious organisation of sometimes silent and sometimes vocal but usually always listening voices (but which is not an exclusive association, for its membership is also open to those who can "hear" and "speak"!).

The Network! It is everything! The company, the goal, the structure--none of that counts! The important thing is always the way the company ("exotic" indeed!) relates to the system, which uses the most draconian and invasive secret police in the world!

My rebellion and strategy for survival is a calculated carefulness (as opposed to one of calculated carelessness).

For instance, I remain reticent--with, still, the same aim of defying logic and of bewildering people.

I make these stooges believe that I control secret links to which they have no access.

Out of the sheer boredom of a hopeless situation, I embark on the dangerous and futile quest of clearing up my boring/messy life--since 1972!

I am hungry for any truth that might/may survive a struggle with the authorities.

The complicity that the PAP regime imposed, directly and indirectly, on all its subjects!

Duplicity became the disease of the entire country, both at the Party apparatus level and at the level of the masses (who used duplicity for their survival)!

Emotional compromises? Complicity with (or resistance to) the authorities?

Once they are said, lies take their revenge. Lies come true. They become reality. And that's the ultimate truth!

(Reality is not the ultimate truth! A "mad" society--without principles!)

The MADHOUSE has not only corrupted its language but also the innermost psyches of its subjects. The rot is deep. There are few foundations left upon which to rebuild.

Social Intelligence

The New Science of Human Relationships

Data from multiple sources suggest that wives are more vulnerable to suffer the health costs of a rocky marriage than are their husbands. Yet women do not seem to be more biologically reactive than men in general.

Many surveys of American women show that positive relationships are their major source of satisfaction and well-being throughout life. For American men, on the other hand, positive relationshiips rate lower in importance than a sense of personal growth or a feeling of independence.

[From: Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships (London: Arrow Books, 2007) by Daniel Goleman]

The Reluctant Fighter

Deconstruction, Post-modernism and Post-

structuralism

I am the person I am because I have experienced and remembered these things.....

Do you have the missing pieces?

Telling Stories

Revealed Now: Mad Notes On the

Back of Photographs (Scribbled

While I Was A "Schizophrenic"):

1. Coffee-shop at Flanders, where "Hantu" & Linda work. Both are non-implantees. (Linda & "Hantu" both have no-string-attached sexual relationships with me!) I'm comfortable with that! But why do I look so sad?
2. Why did I look so ugly and sad? Poor me! (Big Brother is controlling me, that's what!)
3. Economic security & Political stability. But is that the real me?
4. A square-looking me--listening to rock music!
5. I gained a brotherly relationship--but at what cost to me?
6. Sembawang Park. Look at my paunch!
7. 1997, Hougang. How I had suffered! Take a good look!
8. Not too intelligent-looking at all! And hardly handsome. A bit awkward. Not a confident & purposive man.
9. Is it all my fault that I looked so stupid? Lacking in character and without a strong personality.
10. 10/3/98. Mum undergoing hand therapy at SGH.
11. World Trade Centre Photo Equipment Exhibition '87. 5/9/87. Chua Chuan Seah (Ex-MSD Officer, Mindef)
12. 1996. Hougang. My guide to electronic living--& fucking!
13. How much is this man worth? 1996. Hougang.
14. 1997. Hougang. How can this man be a writer? It's a bad square joke! Just look at him--so stupid-looking and lifeless! I don't want to be this man!
15. Taiwan. 28/11/97--3/12/97. Posing with Ann, the tour guide.
16. Defence Camp, Marsiling. Feb. 1973. (Was I implanted with miniaturized electronic chip--radio transmitter and microphone--by then?)
17. 10/4/98. I looked so awful.
18. 15 Dec '97. After the session....with Flanders Square honeys (you see what I mean?)