Year 1972 :
The Moment Of Self-Discovery By
An "Implantee"
-- With A Little Help From My
"Friends"
(MSD/ISD/PAP/SPF/SG
Members and Officers)
Why I Have Suffered 36 Years Of
Manipulated Life,
Of Puzzling History, And Of
Purposeless Behaviour
(Both Private And Public)
QUOTE NO. ONE:
I never submitted the whole system of my opinions to the creed of any one party of men whatever, in religion, in philosophy, in politics or in anything else, where I was capable of thinking for myself .... such an "addiction" is the last degradation of a free and moral agent.
THOMAS JEFFERSON (1743 - 1826)
AMERICAN STATESMAN, 3RD PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED TATES, AND PRINCIPAL AUTHOR OF THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE
QUOTE NO. TWO:
You cannot talk to a power politician as if he were a wise man.
THOMAS MERTON, "Symphony For A Sea Bird",
THE WAY OF CHUANG TZU (Boston & London: Shambhala, 1965)
I had foolishly gone AWOL from my company, based at Singapore Armed Forces Training Institute, where I was undergoing three months of infantry Section Leader training, sometime in early 1972. After a few days of wandering about, I returned to camp eventually and was quickly warded at the Medical Centre in SAFTI for observation.
I was an unobtrusive and quiet patient in the ward, while undergoing daily medical examination by the medical doctors there and also by the psychiatrists at a Government clinic at Maxwell Road, where I was referred to for specialist observation.
During the time I was resting as a patient in the Medical Centre, something serious and grave -- oh, Heavens! -- happened to me, which was to set the course of my future from then onwards. But what exactly did take place there and then?
This is a question of major importance to my life now and it has serious implications for my future as a writer. I've been waiting, since 1972, for this moment of truth-telling! This revelation of my actual status as a man, human being, citizen and writer -- with its purported role of an "implantee" (or agent or employee of the Singapore Government) will illuminate the rest of my life -- and allow me to see clearly ahead, on my road to professional success as a writer -- in Singapore, no less!
I will launch attack after attack -- against the Singapore Government for damaging my life -- with, especially, regard to my sexual needs -- and I will hold them responsible for any failure of mine now as a man trying to live out a normal life for the rest of my existence on this earth.
All I know is that I can remember many events, episodes and activities that I have had experienced during the last 36 years of my life -- as a "schizophrenic", a "molester", a "thief", a "violent" or "aggressive" man, a "PAP agent", a production worker, a low-level and humble clerk, a "mole", a "spy" -- yes, in other words, as a "government employee" acting in all these roles, guises and capacities which are all totally unsuited to my character, my personality, my values and principles, and my goals and real interests as a man, human being, citizen and aspiring writer!
The time for continuing to launch my anti-government sarcastic responses remains! My memory tells me if I am to embark on a serious and purposeful future course of action, I must attack the Singapore Government from now onwards. And I have been trying my best to do so -- except, on certain occasions, when, for some clear reasons -- moments of idiocy and imbecility -- under uninvited provocation!
I want to stress the gravity of the Singapore Government's mistake in "implanting" me, unofficially and without my consent or permission, in 1972 -- an act which was to result, for many years now, in its constant and conscious attempt and and effort -- by using the instruments of ministerial and state powers (the government,law, the police, etc.) to undermine my eventual (contemplated) success as a serious, quality writer unde (of published books -- and essays in important magazines)!
Today is the day for the Singapore Government to recognize and acknowledge, as the lawfully but unfairly elected rulers of Singapore, the upmost severity of my problematic situation. I have to regard myself as a case of Human Rights Abuses by the Singapore Government -- should this elected Democratic Government in Singapore fail to grant me my right to work as a professional writer.
I am not out to fix the government of Singapore -- no, not in any sense of the word. I am honestly trying to resolve my extremely difficult problem and my complicated present situation. Nobody up to now understands my problem, my situation, my predicament, my plight -- including my own cherished family members!
The choice is clear: Either the Singapore Government acts decisively on this vital matter of mine or it will have to answer to History.
Addendum:
All my revelations and exposure about surveillance officers and their activities are not aimed at undermining the Singapore Government's clear understanding of the issue at hand. I just want to EXPRESS myself -- my awareness, my knowledge, my knowingness -- after, especially, being for so long almost totally ignorant of what is crucially going on or taking place -- as a life-changing and life-affecting vital issue -- in this small country of my own and in the larger world too!
Let me declare that I regard the Singapore Government as entirely responsible for any failure of mine to work as a published professional writer (and to live with dignity and self-respect) -- and for any supposedly accummulated "debt" (of whatever kind) which it owed me (and for whose payment it has yet to make concretely and practically, in no uncertain or miniscule terms)! Does it still insist that it does not have any debt -- of whatever kind -- which it still owes me? [Had I not lost, missed, wasted and sacrificed so much? And had I not earned anything at all -- not even some monetary remuneration and even compensation, yes! -- for all my intellectual, moral, artistic and even physical efforts during these past 36 years of living as a reluctant and, sometimes, unhappy "implantee"? I just don't want to work, whether officially or unofficially, secretly or otherwise (except for a brief period at MSD in the days of long ago!), as a member of the governmental surveillance authorities -- be it as an intelligence or security officer or in any capacity or role. I am just INCOMPATIBLE with Government service!]
This is what is TROUBLING and PUZZLING to me -- as a rational man with some compassion of no small measure: How could anyone force me to work in any capacity or role or guise that I have absolutely neither the interest nor the qualities or the abilities to perform in -- to my own satisfaction and self-respect?
And I'm not going to join a political party just to reward the loyalty of activists -- former or current ones! I do want to serve the people, but only as a writer and not a a practising politician! But firstly, I must, after all these hopeless and miserable years, serve myself -- yes!, my own needs and goals!
I believe a great number of Singa0poreans are suffering from a disaffected relationship with and attitude towards the Singapore government! Andf they mustbe, this coming General Election, allowed tom express such disaffection at the ballot box. This is a cornerstone of true and genuine -- not cosmetic -- democracy! (And certainly, I am not going to be in politics to enrich myself or to exercise autocratic powers!) And I don't believe in Western conspiracies! Some leaders aremore interested in, or concerned with, Western bullying -- in the form of conspiracies, for instance, which they claim these Western powers are (or which they accuse them of) trying to use to undermine their positions in the political and social order (or themselves!) -- than in how they TREAT their OWN PEOPLE!
That grave mistake in "implanting" me was not accidental. I am very sure of that! It was a deliberate and calculated attempt to exploit my weaknesses and defects in order to serve an outcome which all members of the top brass in SAFTI at that time were keen to establish in their lives and which was based on a decision undertaken by the military top brass with such unforgivable lightness of consideration and with such unbearable lack of awareness of its severe implications to my own life and future -- should the outcome ever turn into a disastrous mishandling of my case and an unpardonable mistreatment of myself as a medical patient warded at a medical centre for simple medical observation and perhaps even professional treatment by qualified medical practitioners -- yes, for an admittedly rash and foolish act which, nonetheless, merely expressed my youthful idealism and naivete in those days.
But why, oh why? And why the cover-up all these years?
Was there ever such an example of total INEPTITUDE by members of what is publicly promoted and claimed as a supposedly "good" and "able" government? And are they really and truly interested in a GENUINE transfer of power -- and not in a cosmetic one? Is it going to be an admirable exercise in statesmanship? OR IS IT JUST A MATTER OF SIMPLY LOSING TOTAL CONTROL? WILL THE TRANSFER RESULT IN INCESTUOUS PARTITIONS OR DIVISIONS --AND THEN IN SHAMBLES? TRULY, IT WILL BE AN IGNOMINOUS END TO SO MANY YEARS OF "HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL" RULE -- ALBEIT A RULE BASED MOSTLY ON BLUFF! -- AND ALSO DAMN INSULTING THREATS AND TYPICALLY ABUSIVE AND CRUEL ACTIONS!
WOULD IT BE -- ASSUMING IT IS GOING TO BE A REALITY! -- A TIMELY (AND HENCE ORDERLY) TRANSFER OF POWER? OR WILL IT DEPEND ON EXTREMISTS FROM BOTH (OR MANY) SIDES OF THE POLITICAL DIVIDE: PLANNING, SCHEMING AND ORGANIZING -- FOR AN EVENTUAL FATAL END (OR JUST A BLOW) TO SUCH "OPENING-UP OF THE POLITICAL PROCESS", TO BE KICKED OFF INITIALLY BY A "GENUINE" -- AND NOT COSMETIC -- "TRANSFER OF POWER"?
THE POSSIBILITY OF THIS SO-CALLED "TRANSFER OF POWER" BECOMING, OR RESULTING IN, PHONY "LIBERATION" -- WITH INTENDED AND EXPECTED (BECAUSE PLANNED, CONCOCTED, MANUFACTURED AND INSTIGATED) BRUTISH AND IRRATIONAL CONSEQUENCES -- IS THERE FOR ALL TO SEE (IN ADVANCE) -- ESPECIALLY TO, AND FOR, THOSE IN-THE-KNOW: TO WITNESS, REMEMBER AND BE ON GUARD AGAINST!
I WOULD COUNSEL ALL THOSE WHO ARE TEMPTED, ENTICED, PROMPTED AND ENCOURAGED -- WHO, IN OTHER WORDS, ARE LIKELY TO BE CONCERNED WITH, OR BE INVOLVED IN, TO REGARD SUCH A "TRANSFER OF POWER" WITH CAUTION! THEY SHOULD ACT WISELY AND HONESTLY, AND, TO REPEAT, SHOW THE UTMOST CAUTION!
LEE KUAN YEW HIMSELF IS NOT THE UNIFYING PRINCIPLE IN THE LIVES OF MOST OF US! LET ME TELL YOU THIS: HIS DEATH ITSELF WILL NOT RESULT IN THE FATAL -- OR OTHERWISE -- END OF (OR BLOW FOR) THE PAP REGIME. IT IS, AFTER ALL AND ACTUALLY, NOT THE REMOVAL OF BIG, BIG, FUCKINGLY BIG EGOs THAT WILL CREATE PROBLEMS FOR THE ERSTWHILE SUCCESSFUL GOVERNMENT OF SINGAPORE.
WHAT THEN IS THE SOLUTION? WELL, MY HUMBLE AND UNPROFESSIONAL REPLY: REAL DIFFICULTIES MUST NOT BE LEFT TO RESOLVE THEMSELVES! SOME PEOPLE WITH INSIGHT, WISDOM AND UNDERSTANDING (AND NOT MERE KNOWLEDGE, INFORMATION AND INTELLIGENCE) -- PRESUMABLY THE CURRENT LEADERS -- HAVE TO BELIEVE IN -- AND TO PRACTISE WHAT THEY BELIEVE IN AND SAY (WHETHER PUBLICLY OR NOT) -- THE POLITICS OF RETREAT!
AND YOU DON'T NEED ALL THOSE FUCKING SWEET-TALKING PUBLIC RELATIONS OFFICERS TO HELP PREPARE THE GROUND FOR THAT -- OR TO KEEP UP BRAVE FRONTS FOR THEMSELVES IN ORDER TO DO THAT! (IT IS, I'M SURE, PRETTY HUMBLING -- EVEN HUMILIATING --FOR THEM TO ADOPT SUCH RETRACTION OR RETREAT FROM THEIR WORLD-FAMOUS BRAND OF POLITICS AND GOVERNMENT!) THAT IS ALL!